cornelius

at work again, not sure if i'm asleep or awake. jenny holzer says: dreaming while awake is a frightening contradiction. the job has become such a routine now that i may as well be a monkey, or a special needs kid that bags groceries for a living... if only grocery baggers made decent money! at least a real monkey gets to sleep on the job. art monkeys like me just get to pretend they are awake.

i have got to stop drinking on sunday nights... i become very disinterested in earning a living on monday morning... as elvis costello says, "welcome to the working week."

i spent last night at the rhythm room checking out the bastard sons of johnny cash. it was the third time i've seen them, and they do indeed get better every time. last time they did a rousing rendition of "mama tried," but they were all about the original stuff this time through.

inbetween gin and tonics i stared across the room at a beautiful creature who didn't have the slightest interest in me, which was par for the course.

"i'm dumb... she's a lesbian... i thought i had found the one. we were good as married in my mind, but married in my mind's no good."

when i sing along with the stereo in the morning, the song sang sets my day.

okay, okay... she may have not been a lesbian... but she was pretty chummy with her girlfriend. i'm not trying to sound like some defeated adonis who calculates that every woman that does not make eyes at him must play for the other team, but looking back at it, my chances, they weren't so good.

fuck it. being hungover on monday morning is a welcome part of my life. it's funny how good music and a night out can skew your life priorities. maybe if i was more social and actually got my weekend started earlier than sunday afternoon, i'd be in better shape all-around.

i'm really fucking lonely lately, fetchin' for some attention of the female kind. why do girls, when they give you their number and feign interest and ask about you, not call you back?

letting go is the hardest thing to do.

-bobby