For the past three years, I have been in a stable relationship with a great guy. Our relationship is uneventful. He is always there for me; he has never cheated on me. It is the kind of relationship that some girls dream of. The sex is okay.
But I'm only 24 and I'm feeling suffocated. A coworker and I recently started to do things socially. We have a lot in common and have a great time together. This past weekend, we admitted that we were attracted to each other. We ended up kissing. He is in a relationship and isn't thinking about leaving. So it would work out perfectly; we could be like fuckbuddies.
I am feeling conflicted. If it goes further with my coworker, I don't think I would tell my boyfriend, because I don't want to hurt him. But I wanted to get your feelings on getting some on the side. What are the pros and cons of cheating?
Some On The Side
The pros? Sex, excitement, variety. The cons? Discovery, breakup, hellfire. Every idiot knows those pros and cons, SOTS, including you.
But here's a pro that's rarely acknowledged: Sometimes cheating can save a long-term relationship. Sometimes only cheating makes it possible for a sexually rejected partner to stay in a relationship that's worth preserving for other good, valid reasonslike kids, for instance. And sometimes only cheating makes it possible for a person whose partner has a chronic, debilitating illness to stay put and stay sane. In these cases, cheating isn't just the right thing to do; it's the decent and honorable thing to do.
Some fuckwits, of course, piously insist that Cheating Is Always Wrong. To the CIAW crowd, I say this: Fuck you, you self-righteous Pollyanna fucktards. I am so sick of CIAW types insisting with one breath that sex and sexual exclusivity are hugely important. Even the contemplation of an affair, to say nothing of its consummation, represents an unforgivable betrayal. And then in the very next breath, CIAWers insist that sex is so unimportant, so colossally trivial, that a person should be able to go without - forever! - if their mate is unwilling or incapable.
You can't have it both ways, CIAWers. If sex is hugely important, then people can't be faulted for wanting some; if it's unimportant, then it shouldn't be seen as a huge betrayal when some poor fuckers, under duress, are forced to get their needs met elsewhere.
That said, SOTS, I'm not gonna give you a pass. You're not done with sex, he's not dying, you don't have kids - cheating under your particular circumstances can't be justified. Regardless of what happens with your coworker, SOTS, you need to end this relationship. You're not all that attracted to your boyfriend emotionally or physically, and you don't have the kind of entanglements - biological or durational - to rationalize having a fuckbuddy. You need to do the right thing, SOTS, and break up with this guy.
http://www.avclub.com/content/savagelove
The person above me said it best: "so long as everyone playing the same knows them" - it is the dishonesty that hurts most in my opinion.