corabelle

i was such a grumpy asshole to him last night. i couldn't even think of a reason as to why. the most saddening fact is this man will do almost anything to keep me happy, but alas, i have nights that i don't WANT to be happy. and he just happened to be leaving for a four day river trip early the next morning. i am a bitch

for about an hour last night, lying in bed, i dove into the darkest and most uninviting parts of my head to find out why i was being so sour. i was becoming over analytical as always and thought it'd be best to not think about until morning. he's already fallen asleep at this point so even if i did come to a conclusion, i wouldn't be able to explain myself. on my bicycle ride home this morning, feeling so powerless when it comes to my emotions lately, i came to a simple reasoning for it all.

he'd just returned from a getaway with his parents only over a week ago, and he's already off another adventure. its plain and simple. i'm fucking jealous. the worst feeling of all feelings. i wish i could stuff it into a shoebox and bury it into the darkest, deepest hole with hopes to never feel this way again. i need a vacation. and i'm getting anxious for our fun plans next month. i want them to get here sooner. i feel like a little kid waiting to go to disneyworld, goddam it.