cookiemonstr

So I know this is probably not the correct forum for this but I have spoken on it before because this place is safe. noone knows me, there is no attachment to my real life. I go through an occasional bout of i wouldnt call it depression but I would call it melancholy. Usually these last 2 or 3 days and theyre gone, Ive been dealing with it since my mid teens 14ish to be exact and like i said 2 or 3 days and its gone and i am my normal cheerful happy outgoing self. This time its different, I dont know why despite my best efforts it has lasted for about 10 days now and i just cant seem to shake it. I go out with friends and I can fake a smile and like every other time no person in the world knows what is going on. Noone ever knows I hide it well.......I dont have any one in life that I can really talk to and if i did i dont know if i would be comfortable bringing them into this part of my being. It is always something I have dealt with myself for over 30 years now. My family doesnt know, my friends dont know I just DEAL WITH IT. This time is different it is lingering.....dont get me wrong this is not something that makes me think of any kind of self harm i would never do that, i like my life i like me far too much for that kind of nonsense. Its not true depression like i said the best word i can use to describe it is melancholy. a general feeling of not sadness but definitely unhappiness. Sometimes writing about it helps so i am trying it here again as i have in the past. Thanks for taking the time to read this if you did its really just about expressing it, i hope i can shake this soon because it really does suck.....