cookie101x

Feeling lonely today. sad about my lack of friends that werent my boyfriend's friends first. and there's not really anyone that i really have things in common with. damn my ex-best friend for being obsessed with her crazy controlling boyfriend. sigh. damn me for only having kept one close friend. blah. i normally try to not let this whole scenario bother me, but when i was just sitting around by myself at leo's show tonight, i couldnt help but think of where i could be or what i could be doing that would make me happy, and it wasnt sitting there. so i left and am now having a pity party..with my cat. i think id go crazy without him around to snuggle with and talk to.. so yeah, in an attempt to make me happy, leo agreed to go with me to like ground zero or somewhere to go dance to music that i'll actually like..but he doesnt dance, like gothy type dance music, and his definition of dressing up nice means wearing the cleanest t shirt he can find off the floor..but its better than nothing i guess. .pardon my yucky mood, ill get be fine. and needed to rant..to mystery internet people..god, im just making this worse for myself.heh. in other equally depressing news, stevie emailed me a few of my pictures..ones that wont be submitted because stupid me forgot to take my watch off until like 10+ pictures into it.. and while the photography was great, my face & such was not. i looked like a weird ghost..with baggy eyelids or something.. maybe im just not used to seeing myself without glasses, but i wasnt pleased with my face. sigh. so i was dissapointed with myself..my face and chubby tummy specifically, and i havent even seen the non-clothed pictures yet. woe is me, woe is me.. im still very glad to have taken pictures with stevie, from the pics i saw, she did an awesome job, i just think i was having a bad face day or something, and i REALLY need to work on the flabby tummy thing, its bothering me more everyday, i feel like i look like im 5 months prego or something. but i just carry all my fatness in my tummy, as does every woman in my family, so i feel like it would be futile to even bother trying to do something about it. blahhh. this is nothing but a depressing rant and im sorry, its not like me to whine . ill probably try to go back & edit this later, but then will be sorely dispappointed if i cant due to a 15 minute rule or something.
ooh hey, here's some happier news:Im having a 3rd of july get together, just a small one though, as my only venue is my moms backyard, and im not talking about a big suburban backyard, but she has a rockin' patio & stuff, so it'll be ok, i ended up spending close to $70 on fireworks, and a bunch of people have already said they'll be coming, granted, theyre all of the aforementioned boyfriend's friends that are kindof my friends, but youve got to take what you can get i suppose. If any of you people that ive met in real life feel like trekking all the way to east stpaul, youre welcome to stop by, but im not promising anything but a drunken festively dressed me, and some other not as festive and not festively dressed other people. but i think itll be a good time. so message me if you want to stop over. umm. this is getting really long. maybe i shouldve just talked to my cat, bye then!!!!!