contrast

some true facts about me:


* i invented the game "hungry hungry hippos"
* i coined the word "spackle"
* i'm the 1988 kid icarus world champion
* i live in a bumper car
* i can fit my knees in my mouth
* i wrote 2 episodes of "falcon crest"
* i discovered the element that panties are made out of
* my first word was the alphabet song
* 80% of the world's tampons come from the tampon tree in my backyard.
* i have a giant squid in my bathtub
* my date to the senior prom was suzzanne summers
* i ride a golden retriever to work
* i keep a shot glass in my butt. just in case.
* the abominidable snowman is my godfather
* i keep my socks and underwear in the bowels of a dead buffalo
* i'm allergic to radio waves
* i use the skull of a brontosauras as a toilet
* i've licked every square inch of the lincoln memorial
* i was potty trained by chuck norris
* i once ate an entire new york taxi cab
* i carry a gobot under my tounge at all times
* my first sexual experience was with walter payton
* i turned down the role of han solo
* i attended every taping of the hit sitcom "my two dads"
* m. knight shamalon has been under my hypnotic control since 1994.
* i arm wrestle michael jackson every wednesday. my record against him is 832-739 with 17 draws.