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contradiction

2nd circle of hell

Member Since 2003

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Monday Jun 20, 2005

Jun 20, 2005
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Welcome to my cop-out. Sit down. Grab a drink. Relax.

hahaha....

There was a serious amount of overreaction in my last post. Although the situation was crappy, it was not as crappy as I made it seem when it came down to it. We both had a right to be angry, but we both made really poor choices that day. We are not miserable. Really. It may sound like it, but we are not. I was on the rag so I was so off my nut it was unbelievable. Seriously. Deep end, here I come. Damn being a woman sometimes.

Lately, things have been tough for me because I am working through that issue that I eluded to a bit ago. It goes up and down between acceptance and complete hurt. Today there was a productive talk...and hopefully greater understanding on all sides. Crossing my fingers on that one. Frankly, I just want it to be over. Not for any purpose other than it needs to, for my sanity. I guess. What's left of it.

However, I stand behind the fact that marriage is either not in the near future, or impossible. Maybe I just tell myself that because it dulls the rejection factor. He says I shouldn't feel that way - that he is working through his issues to get there, because he wants to. Then he says in anger that it will never happen. This pendulum swing has happened several times lately...and I am getting off the merry-go-round. I am really dizzy. Sometimes I wonder if he says these things to placate me. In times like today, I wholeheartedly believe him.

Honestly, I am as much to blame for our arguments as he - I am not the easiest person to be with. I can be suspicious, paranoid, loud, I fly off the handle in a big way (my ex referred to it as "the volcano" - haha), accusatory, obsessive with the things that bother me to the point where I let myself get really angry and then I explode. It isn't good. I am a scorpio...so if any of you know what I mean... wink

Don't worry...not that you will. I have been in an abusive situation before, and this is not it. I don't have a victim complex. I am just louder about the bad stuff than I am the good...one more thing for me to work on. smile

My thought for the day: BzzZzZZzzzzt!

My listening pleasure: I was listening to Depeche Mode earlier.

Wearing: yoga clothes. soooo comfy.

What I am avoiding to bring you this update: Probably work. I guess.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
myeviltwin:
Now you too need to take advantage of being all fired up and at eachothers throats and go have some wild make up sex.!
Jun 21, 2005
alienlizzie:
I did not read your last post, so I don't know how much over-reaction there was...
My last comments were about some over-reaction I had at my job....

I wanted to ask some local Orlando gals here for a favor - I put a pic of two hottie actors I want to cast in my next film, when you get a chance, go visit my journal and post a comment of what you think (pretty please).

Much Love - Lizzard
Jun 21, 2005

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