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contradiction

2nd circle of hell

Member Since 2003

Followers 126 Following 111

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Monday Jul 19, 2004

Jul 19, 2004
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Another installment for everyone. smile

Angel and I hit a bit of a snag, but got through it (sorta). We got in a conversation about our previous go at having a relationship with each other, in which he appeared to blame me for everything that went wrong. Well, I assure you, I already went through blaming myself, I didn't really need any help. Not to mention, he certainly did his share of shitty stuff to me as well (which he refers to not as shitty but "immature"). He told me that many of the things he did that I thought were the happiest memories of my life were done to keep me from fighting with him. A totally painful paradigm shift.

So then, I got upset the other night about something unrelated, and he freaked out on me. When I apologised and told him I was not yelling at him, he refused to accept my apology. I was like WTF?! That is weird.

So next morning, he wants to talk. He says that he is on edge because he knows that I am hiding things from him, particularly regarding my last relationship. I tell him that I just don't talk about it, because it was fucked up, and that I did some things for practical reasons that I am not proud of (namely staying in that "relationship" as long as I did). I figured this was a good time to whip out my WTF? regarding him blaming me for our previous fuckup. So I did, and he assured me that he loved me the whole time, the situation was just very hard on him. I left it at that. During this conversation, I also thought about telling him a secret that I had kept from him for 6 years...something that I lied to him about when we first met, and I have never had the balls or the opportunity to tell him the truth. It is nothing earth shattering, but because I lied about it for so long, and because I went to such great lengths to lie about it, I am worried that it is going to be blown out of proportion. I am not sure what to do, and I chickened out yet again.

I feel like such an asshole, on so many levels. Here it is that I have everything I could ever want, and I am risking fucking it all up again. I am such a putz.

Anyways...another thing...he keeps bringing up his ex gf. Not in a relationship sense (most of the time), but it weirds me out. Especially because when we were talking about my previous relationship he asked if I had any "previous issues that could cause problems" in this relationship. That is one of those possibly pot calling the kettle black kinda things, no? I am not sure. Should I bring this up?

My parents came up this weekend and bought us a lot of stuff, including patio furniture, so there may be a housewarming yet! They have decided they love Angel to death. It rocks.

What's up with you guys?
devil_bitch:
Hon I haven't had a relationship in so long I have no idea what to tell you. I do know about secrets. Some secrets are best kept. It is better to sacrifice your guilt for someone's feelings.
Jul 19, 2004
fictionmusic:
What she said. Sometime secrets are pretty good things to keep. On the other hand I had a relationship with a woman and I told her all my secrets. It was great while it lasted. Good luck with yours.
Hows the album coming along?
Jul 19, 2004

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