WELCOME TO CLUSTERFUCK, POPULATION ME.
Jeeeeeezzzzuuuussss.....
Well...the producer guy I was talking about last entry called me (as usual) day before yesterday (he has been making a daily habit of it, must be quite a phone bill). He asked me to come up to CT for a week and a half at the end of the month to record and get some stuff together, meet some people, etc. Of course, there is a personal aspect to the visit as well, but that is at the bottom of the list of what is getting done. So I am like, kick ass. I am all for a road trip. He also wants to manage me. WOW. I am thinking about it. Well, I thought about it, and I am really nervous. He has based all of his support and interest on two songs I did in CA....I don't have half the equipment I used to and I don't have a studio to work in (except my friend's studio, where I have to work around his schedule). I also have not correctly produced a song in 3 years. I have written a LOT, but not really finished anything. Not to mention, even when I WAS producing, I was very slow at it. I never went to school for it, I learned by doing. I am impatient and I hate detail work. I don't want to produce my stuff by myself...I want a co-producer. I am not sure he wants me to do that. That is what I want though, and I hope he doesn't think I am a liar or a pussy for that. On the personal side, I really like this guy. However, on my way home, I realized that he knows NOTHING of what a clusterfuck my life is. He doesn't know any of the important stuff, and I am wondering if I should give him a warning shot before he decides whether or not to get involved with me personally. How do you have a conversation with someone about fucked up things most of your FRIENDS don't know about you? Things that could BREAK a relationship if not laid out right in the beginning? Do I just say it? Do I just sit his ass down and say "you do NOT want to get involved with me..."? Do I wait until he asks?
Now on to the good part....haha. My ex called me the same day that the other guy called me. He has decided that he really does love me, wants to be with me, doesn't want to be in LA anymore, and is going to move here (if he can work everything out). He says he loses his apt June 1st and he is looking at just coming out here. WHOAH! What the fuck?!?! All this after that movie. That is what made him think of this and make this decision. He also wants me to work with him again, which I swore I would never do, and this producer/manager guy would never go for that at all. He wants to just come out here, move in together, pick up where we left off, and commit ourselves to making it work on every front. See, the good aspect of this is, yes, I love him dearly. Yes, he already knows all of my bullshit drama of a life (except for 2 really semi-important things which I am scared to tell him, one which seems stupid but I have been lying about it for 5 1/4 years). Yes, he was the best fuck of my life, and I have been no nun. But he can psyche himself out of anything (meaning he may change his mind), and him coming here would massively disrupt my musical life which is coming along quite nicely lately. This is really fucked up.
Well, I don't think I am going out tonight. I just made a 3 hour drive and I am pooped. I need a rest. I need a mental fucking vacation.
Jeeeeeezzzzuuuussss.....
Well...the producer guy I was talking about last entry called me (as usual) day before yesterday (he has been making a daily habit of it, must be quite a phone bill). He asked me to come up to CT for a week and a half at the end of the month to record and get some stuff together, meet some people, etc. Of course, there is a personal aspect to the visit as well, but that is at the bottom of the list of what is getting done. So I am like, kick ass. I am all for a road trip. He also wants to manage me. WOW. I am thinking about it. Well, I thought about it, and I am really nervous. He has based all of his support and interest on two songs I did in CA....I don't have half the equipment I used to and I don't have a studio to work in (except my friend's studio, where I have to work around his schedule). I also have not correctly produced a song in 3 years. I have written a LOT, but not really finished anything. Not to mention, even when I WAS producing, I was very slow at it. I never went to school for it, I learned by doing. I am impatient and I hate detail work. I don't want to produce my stuff by myself...I want a co-producer. I am not sure he wants me to do that. That is what I want though, and I hope he doesn't think I am a liar or a pussy for that. On the personal side, I really like this guy. However, on my way home, I realized that he knows NOTHING of what a clusterfuck my life is. He doesn't know any of the important stuff, and I am wondering if I should give him a warning shot before he decides whether or not to get involved with me personally. How do you have a conversation with someone about fucked up things most of your FRIENDS don't know about you? Things that could BREAK a relationship if not laid out right in the beginning? Do I just say it? Do I just sit his ass down and say "you do NOT want to get involved with me..."? Do I wait until he asks?
Now on to the good part....haha. My ex called me the same day that the other guy called me. He has decided that he really does love me, wants to be with me, doesn't want to be in LA anymore, and is going to move here (if he can work everything out). He says he loses his apt June 1st and he is looking at just coming out here. WHOAH! What the fuck?!?! All this after that movie. That is what made him think of this and make this decision. He also wants me to work with him again, which I swore I would never do, and this producer/manager guy would never go for that at all. He wants to just come out here, move in together, pick up where we left off, and commit ourselves to making it work on every front. See, the good aspect of this is, yes, I love him dearly. Yes, he already knows all of my bullshit drama of a life (except for 2 really semi-important things which I am scared to tell him, one which seems stupid but I have been lying about it for 5 1/4 years). Yes, he was the best fuck of my life, and I have been no nun. But he can psyche himself out of anything (meaning he may change his mind), and him coming here would massively disrupt my musical life which is coming along quite nicely lately. This is really fucked up.
Well, I don't think I am going out tonight. I just made a 3 hour drive and I am pooped. I need a rest. I need a mental fucking vacation.