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That's gonna hurt in the morning... I'm sitting with ice on my right hand and left foot, from a soccer game tonight. I think my little toe is broken, from a guy stepping on it. Later I dislocated my finger trying to save a shot, it went right through my hand and in. I had to pull on my finger to get it to pop back in (it made a satisfying snap) but I couldn't play goal anymore because I couldn't take another shot on it. So we taped it up and I played fullback, broken (I think) pinky toe and all.

I love being active again. I love being part of a team, too. It's good for me.

The shrink wants me clean of weed between now and October, and beyond. I'm gonna start some therapy then to try to beat my habit of avoiding problems. There, I just created a new paradigm, avoiding problems is a habit for me. Until now I just bought what the shrink (and the shrinks before him) said about my having an avoidant personslity. But, how do you change your personality? You can't, your personality is who you are, trying to change who you are is living a lie. You can't change who you are. I can't change who I am. But I can break a habit. I quit smoking 15 month's ago. I only took 4 years of trying. I can quit weed. I can control my drinking. And I can break my habit of avoiding dealing with problems.

Here's the secret: you have to visualize the addiction as some creature, with a personality, My smoking addiction became a little imp, like the Just for Laughs thing. Then, if I broke down and started smoking again I wouldn't get mad at myself, I'd get mad at that little prick that tricked me into having a cigarette. You see, getting mad at yourself really sucks, and it feels so bad that what do you do? You have another cigarette, or another drink; it's soothing. When I get mad at that little prick that tricked me into smoking I get stronger, more resolve to not let him beat me again. I'm very competitive, and this technique uses my competitive nature to my advantage.

So how will I beat my habit of avoiding problems? I'm going to call him Suds the Slug. It's a long story, trust me. His goal is to make me go nowhere in life. He's planning on doing it by tricking me into avoiding problems. I'm not going to let that lttle fucker win.

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Oh yeah, I have a date tomorrow with that sweet bartender that broke my heart last week. Yay, me! Maybe I was seeing things...