conscious

I've never liked the thought of drinking or smoking. It never has and never will appeal to me.



My mother struggled with depression and apparently when she had me ( I was the 2nd child) she fell into a deeper depression. I watched her cry all the time and in a way to be honest I never felt like she loved me.I never wanted to be like my older sister and wear dresses all the damn time. At one point her doctor mistakenly OD her and she attack my dad, me an my little brother with a crow bar.( Luckly my dad shut the glass door and so she attacked it. My mother showed what drinking can do to your life and family. With drugs I never wanted to lose that feeling of control(never done drugs btw nor pot) however I always feel like I am some outcast to everyone and sadly been going through a depression since I was maybe 8. I lived a life of no hope and sometimes I still do. When i think of drugs I just see how low a person can bring to them. Why the fuck would I want to hate myself even more?


But the worse part is...I always feel like nobody will understand me.


I hate living in this depression. I am glad I am getting a tiny bit better, because before I met Brian...I ....was rarely happy.
anyways these are some photos I took and Brian took some of me


. enjoy.