Conqueringking presents:
The Dairy of a child actor
Reporter: Today ladies and gentlemen we are here with child actor Pat N. Nutz. Mr. Nutz. Could you tell us something about yourself?
Nutz: Well Johnny, I don't think I need to introduce myself too much. I'm sure all of your viewers remember me from my earlier commericals promoting the Spork and snap-n-pops.
Reporter: Actually..I don't think any of the viewers have seen any of those commericals.
Nutz: Oh well. I sometimes forget being a big international star. those commericals were really big in Madagascar....but I know your viewers will remember me from popular films such as Independence day, war of the worlds and Deep impact. Yes, it was my roles in those movies which lead to.......
Reporter: But, you were'nt in those movies I'm seen them. You're not there.
Nutz: But, I was. I was 3 houses down from Will smith in independence day. Its was my expression of fear that set the tone of the movie. I could say I carried that scence.
Reporter: Are you high?
Nutz: Of course not, the movie extra business has a strict drug testing policy and any extra who isn't clean is blackballed.
Reporter: What about that guy from "not another teen movie"....He.
Nutz: We don't talk about him....we don't dare say his name.
Reporter: O.k...let's move on to something else... So what makes you such a good Assclown..I mean extra?
Nutz: A good extra. I'm one of the best. My patented style is has been labeled the "Shrived Nutz" yes. Its pure genius.
Reporter: So how did you come up with this puny nutz style?
Nutz: Well it all happened when I was doing commericals. Yes I remember it like it was yesterday. I was playing a major part in a mcdonald's commerical. I was a fry guy and we were shooting on location in the Appalachians.. We were in the middle of filming the most important scence when, a bear burst upon the scene and everyone ran in panic. That is everyone but me. I heroically stood rear guard......
Reporter: You mean you tripped and fell.
Nutz:As I was saying I was guarding everyone flanks and then as I made my escape the bear which was momentery distracted by the cheeseburgers made his move and swiped at me...but thanks to my practice at fry guy ball I was able to roll with the blow.
Reporter: What the fuck is Fryguy ball?
Nutz: Well in addition to our normal job we helped Ronald Mcdonald release stress. He would get a running start and kick us with those big ass shoes. He was really demanding. we had to add our momentuem with his kick to make ourselves go farther. Yep, that clown kicked like a old lady on prozac. He was such a bitch and if we didn't go that far he would aways cry...Nothing quite as sickening as a big clown crying...
Reporter: You don't say.
Nutz: So yeah, when the bear swatted me I used my momenum to roll in a bush and play dead. It was foolproof strategy except when they tripped me...they stuck fries down my pants...
Reporter: I thought you said. You were playing rearguard....you just said you were tripped.
Nutz: Who's telling this story?
Reporter: Well I was just saying...
Nutz: Does Pat N. Nutz have to choke a bitch? ....As I was saying it was a foolproof plan until the bear smelled the fries and began eating my suit. There was blood, Fries and Cotton bits all across the meadow. Its was truly a terrifying experience and thus came the look... Mr. Reporter are you alright?
Reporter: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.... So can our viewers see the scar?
Nutz: Yeah, I guess.
Reporter: Just move over by the stairs where the light is better and bend over.
Nutz: O.k. *Bends over* Like this.
Reporter: Yeah. *Running kick and nutz rolling down stairs* How's that for an old lady kick? ......Cameraman hand me my Clown shoes. We're out of here.
Moral of the story: Just because you think you're hot shit doesn't mean that everyone else does....and never bend over in front of a clown with big shoes....or maybe dont stick fries in your pants while walking in the woods....
The Dairy of a child actor
Reporter: Today ladies and gentlemen we are here with child actor Pat N. Nutz. Mr. Nutz. Could you tell us something about yourself?
Nutz: Well Johnny, I don't think I need to introduce myself too much. I'm sure all of your viewers remember me from my earlier commericals promoting the Spork and snap-n-pops.
Reporter: Actually..I don't think any of the viewers have seen any of those commericals.
Nutz: Oh well. I sometimes forget being a big international star. those commericals were really big in Madagascar....but I know your viewers will remember me from popular films such as Independence day, war of the worlds and Deep impact. Yes, it was my roles in those movies which lead to.......
Reporter: But, you were'nt in those movies I'm seen them. You're not there.
Nutz: But, I was. I was 3 houses down from Will smith in independence day. Its was my expression of fear that set the tone of the movie. I could say I carried that scence.
Reporter: Are you high?
Nutz: Of course not, the movie extra business has a strict drug testing policy and any extra who isn't clean is blackballed.
Reporter: What about that guy from "not another teen movie"....He.
Nutz: We don't talk about him....we don't dare say his name.
Reporter: O.k...let's move on to something else... So what makes you such a good Assclown..I mean extra?
Nutz: A good extra. I'm one of the best. My patented style is has been labeled the "Shrived Nutz" yes. Its pure genius.
Reporter: So how did you come up with this puny nutz style?
Nutz: Well it all happened when I was doing commericals. Yes I remember it like it was yesterday. I was playing a major part in a mcdonald's commerical. I was a fry guy and we were shooting on location in the Appalachians.. We were in the middle of filming the most important scence when, a bear burst upon the scene and everyone ran in panic. That is everyone but me. I heroically stood rear guard......
Reporter: You mean you tripped and fell.
Nutz:As I was saying I was guarding everyone flanks and then as I made my escape the bear which was momentery distracted by the cheeseburgers made his move and swiped at me...but thanks to my practice at fry guy ball I was able to roll with the blow.
Reporter: What the fuck is Fryguy ball?
Nutz: Well in addition to our normal job we helped Ronald Mcdonald release stress. He would get a running start and kick us with those big ass shoes. He was really demanding. we had to add our momentuem with his kick to make ourselves go farther. Yep, that clown kicked like a old lady on prozac. He was such a bitch and if we didn't go that far he would aways cry...Nothing quite as sickening as a big clown crying...
Reporter: You don't say.
Nutz: So yeah, when the bear swatted me I used my momenum to roll in a bush and play dead. It was foolproof strategy except when they tripped me...they stuck fries down my pants...
Reporter: I thought you said. You were playing rearguard....you just said you were tripped.
Nutz: Who's telling this story?
Reporter: Well I was just saying...
Nutz: Does Pat N. Nutz have to choke a bitch? ....As I was saying it was a foolproof plan until the bear smelled the fries and began eating my suit. There was blood, Fries and Cotton bits all across the meadow. Its was truly a terrifying experience and thus came the look... Mr. Reporter are you alright?
Reporter: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.... So can our viewers see the scar?
Nutz: Yeah, I guess.
Reporter: Just move over by the stairs where the light is better and bend over.
Nutz: O.k. *Bends over* Like this.
Reporter: Yeah. *Running kick and nutz rolling down stairs* How's that for an old lady kick? ......Cameraman hand me my Clown shoes. We're out of here.
Moral of the story: Just because you think you're hot shit doesn't mean that everyone else does....and never bend over in front of a clown with big shoes....or maybe dont stick fries in your pants while walking in the woods....
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Thanks for the b'day wish.
He he he, I like your story... Asshat, asshat, asshat!!!! (I like that word a little too much me thinks
I stick up for my SG friends