The devestating blows just don't stop in my world. Had myself a little car "accident" this morning in my new car, then one of my best friends got himself in a fender bender. But the topper to my day was having it confirmed that, yes, the love of my life, the man I've given the last 7 1/2 years to, the person I feel closer to than anyone in this world, has been having himself a little affair with one of the waitresses he works with.
I know, I know, I broke up with him. But again I say we had an agreement, no funny business til we're safely in different countries.
And the person it was with kills me even more. A nasty, drug addicted, scum of the earth diner hag. I'm defeated, humiliated, and lost. And I feel as if all my ex-coworkers are all laughing at me.
It may sound a tad dramatic but I tell you no lie, I never knew love could physically hurt. It hurts so bad, I just want it to stop, I just want to not care.
He doesn't seem to understand that I'm letting him go because I love him TOO much. I don't know what I want in life, anymore, I thought I had it all figured out. And I didn't feel it was fair to keep him hanging waiting for me. And I know he's happier home, in his country, with his family and friends. I did this for BOTH of us, but he just doesn't understand no matter how hard I try to explain to him.
Why must he try so hard to leave things on a bad note? WHY!!?!? It really does seem that in some twisted way he needs to take his pain out on me, and I try so hard to spare his feelings, to make him feel good about the future, to reassure him that I'll always love him and nobody can ever take his place in my heart.
I never want to feel this way again, not ever. And despite how disgusted I feel, all I want is for him to come home and hug me, and tell me he's sorry and that we'll be fine. I'm such a fucking mixed up basket case, what the fuck is wrong with me?
I tried, I swear, to keep it together. But that didn't last for very long. I wish I could tell you all that I'll be ok, but I pride myself on not being a liar.
P.S. I miss my internet like crazy, I can't wait til I have my own computer back.
I know, I know, I broke up with him. But again I say we had an agreement, no funny business til we're safely in different countries.
And the person it was with kills me even more. A nasty, drug addicted, scum of the earth diner hag. I'm defeated, humiliated, and lost. And I feel as if all my ex-coworkers are all laughing at me.
It may sound a tad dramatic but I tell you no lie, I never knew love could physically hurt. It hurts so bad, I just want it to stop, I just want to not care.
He doesn't seem to understand that I'm letting him go because I love him TOO much. I don't know what I want in life, anymore, I thought I had it all figured out. And I didn't feel it was fair to keep him hanging waiting for me. And I know he's happier home, in his country, with his family and friends. I did this for BOTH of us, but he just doesn't understand no matter how hard I try to explain to him.
Why must he try so hard to leave things on a bad note? WHY!!?!? It really does seem that in some twisted way he needs to take his pain out on me, and I try so hard to spare his feelings, to make him feel good about the future, to reassure him that I'll always love him and nobody can ever take his place in my heart.
I never want to feel this way again, not ever. And despite how disgusted I feel, all I want is for him to come home and hug me, and tell me he's sorry and that we'll be fine. I'm such a fucking mixed up basket case, what the fuck is wrong with me?
I tried, I swear, to keep it together. But that didn't last for very long. I wish I could tell you all that I'll be ok, but I pride myself on not being a liar.
P.S. I miss my internet like crazy, I can't wait til I have my own computer back.
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Bad shit seems to come in droves for me too . Just hang in there , eventually you'll work your way through it . Then some good shit will come your way & make it all go away
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