connielingus

Okay, so, I've been avoiding updating my journal cause I've nothing good or happy to talk about. For the most part, I'm a miserable, lonely, overworked, sick of the holidays bitch.

Upon arriving at work today I received three Xmas cards and two little gifts. These should 've brightened my gloomy demeanor, but no, fresh tears came with each item received. I couldn't control myself, I just couldn't stop with the water works. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this Christmas would be quite so hard for me.
I didn't put up a tree or any decorations this year, didn't go to any Xmas parties, couldn't afford presents. I just kinda wished it all away, thinking this would avoid the pain I knew was coming. This, I'm realizing, was all in vain. Cause yesterday, out of the clear blue, I started to cry.
I cried for my baby, who was just moved to the second worst army base in Greece. I cried cause he sounds so broken now when we speak on the phone. I cried cause he told me how badly he's being treated and how disgusting his quarters are. I cried cause I'm lost without him and June seems forever away........
I cried for my godmother, who'e been in and out of the hospital for the last two months. I cried cause they say she might have to get a heart transplant. I cried cause I haven't seen her in years and she's not allowed visitors.
I cried for my mother, who hasn't been able to afford a proper Christmas in years. Usually, I help her buy my younger brother and sister presents. This year I just couldn't.

All's I got's to say is I'll be wearing waterproof mascara til New Year's is over. I believe the flood gates have opened. Sorry to be such a downer for the holidays, kids. Can't help it, ain't no sunshine when he's gone.
For all you little elves who actually ARE jolly this holiday season, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year!! Hope you all get lots of presents and such. I'm going to go back to my tissues, now.