Conjure said My time here, in this house, with no TV, no boyfriend, a minimal support network, and a lot of heavy tribulations and extreme amounts of self-time, has, as intended, sent me through a meditation and reflection on my life, the direction that I'm heading in, and most of all, towards figuring out what the most important things are to me, and how I can maneuver my way around to being involved with them.
I've been leading towards, and have finally stumbled upon the realisation that I'm not waiting any more. I have a position in the world, and I have a real life that is not in chaos, as I thought, not at all. It is entirely, universally, and continually, in flux, and completely stable, all at the same time.
- Friends. Forgive myself, others, forget, and deal with the reality that people can be beautiful, and nobody is even remotely close to perfect.
- House. I'm moving out of this secluded space a better person, a grown-up moving forward in life with nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
- Direction. I'm going to finish my degree, as slowly or as quickly as I need to. I'm going to take each day as it comes, and enjoy every moment for everything that it offers. I'm no longer going to wait for Japan, or Canada, or Sydney, or the bush, or my love, or the end, or the beginning. I'm no longer going to worry if my life is secure ... because it, despite popular 'live now' scare-tactics, it's not going to end tomorrow. And I don't need to live today like it's my last.
There are times when all I ever want to do is cry. I have been unhappy for as long as I can remember. I have also wanted to kill myself for the same amount of time. Credit why I haven't succeeded to the fact that I am perhaps one of the most unmotivated people on the face of the earth. I dropped out of school long ago and the depression has not subsided although every now and then it is given momentary distraction.
radiohead has saved me on more than a few occasions.
I too have no plans and no idea of a career and as a result have very few friends. The series of disappointments and ill-conceived choices that is my life was granted me for a purpose I have yet to realise. I don't pretend to have a solution as I myself have none. You will fill me in on news of your health won't you?
Well, it was longer than my blog, so at least you can feel like you got value for money. It's a funny old mess. I've got oodles of work to do but can't bludgeon myself into doing it. Hence am here instead. Life sounds certainly full and interesting for you right now, and I'm very glad to hear that!
I've been away, but I think ... I *think* I might be hanging around a bit more.
There is work, and uni, and I'm still juggling.
My rent just went up from $120 to $150, so I'm moving.
I've applied for a house in New Farm with S_Eldorado's temporary roomy, who's been trying to find a place to live. I'll be paying an exorbitant... Read More
Conjure said My time here, in this house, with no TV, no boyfriend, a minimal support network, and a lot of heavy tribulations and extreme amounts of self-time, has, as intended, sent me through a meditation and reflection on my life, the direction that I'm heading in, and most of all, towards figuring out what the most important things are to me, and how I can maneuver my way around to being involved with them.
I've been leading towards, and have finally stumbled upon the realisation that I'm not waiting any more. I have a position in the world, and I have a real life that is not in chaos, as I thought, not at all. It is entirely, universally, and continually, in flux, and completely stable, all at the same time.
- Friends. Forgive myself, others, forget, and deal with the reality that people can be beautiful, and nobody is even remotely close to perfect.
- House. I'm moving out of this secluded space a better person, a grown-up moving forward in life with nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
- Direction. I'm going to finish my degree, as slowly or as quickly as I need to. I'm going to take each day as it comes, and enjoy every moment for everything that it offers. I'm no longer going to wait for Japan, or Canada, or Sydney, or the bush, or my love, or the end, or the beginning. I'm no longer going to worry if my life is secure ... because it, despite popular 'live now' scare-tactics, it's not going to end tomorrow. And I don't need to live today like it's my last.
My god, I could have written that.
Srlsy.