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conjure

Melbourne

Member Since 2005

Followers 175 Following 200

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Sunday Jun 22, 2008

Jun 22, 2008
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Life's on a high at the moment. I've decided that instead of fearing the arrival of the grim reaper and in doing so bring about my own demise, I'm going with the flow.

I just spent a half hour listening to Belle and Sebastian, making my first home cooked stir fry.

I've been spending the last few months discussing all sorts of ideas on life. I've been lamenting and ruminating on the different directions that a lady can take. I've been expecting a lot from myself, and feeling some days that I'll get it all, and then others that I'll end up with nothing. I've decided that peace is the path, and that reckless self-destruction is clearly a necessary break from that.

I don't owe anyone, anything.

I do owe myself a lot though. All these years without; I've been giving, and losing so much for the advancement of others. I've forgotten about myself, a lot.

Some times I blog just for me.

Some times I blog to recount.

This past week I haven't been spending very much time at home and, as some of you may have noticed, online. I think about you though, and it; I wonder what's going on in my cyberspace home.

My Mar-ma, Pa and Aunty Susan have been in town for the past weekend and managed to pay my way into a hostel for a few nights. I finally took up the bed on Friday, the third night. I'd forgotten that they were coming, and I'd forgotten that they were here just to see me. Never mind though, they didn't. These people are beautiful. I love my family. I had a corporate breakfast to organise on Friday morning at 6am, and a bar shift that night for a few hours; they understood. The middle of that same day I wandered about in the Botanic Gardens in Brisbane CBD. The next morning, Saturday, we took a stroll through the Roma Street gardens which were also, absolutely beautiful. I hadn't been there before: what a place! Wooden boardwalks above lakes and fresh flowers in endless rows of organisation and organic form. I'm having a picnic there in Spring. And another one under the century-old Weeping Chinese Fig in the Botanic Gardens. Perhaps I'll even host my birthday there.

Mar-ma is into gardens, a lot. I listened to her for hours. I had no idea about plants before Saturday. I'm still not sure if I care, but it was nice to listen to her voice. When I was sick of her though, Pa was there to turn to: a wealth of information. He grew up on a farm and I picked his brilliant brain for the basic procedure of turning milk into butter, how to live without a fridge, and our personal bonding point: our family heritage. We also, as usual, waxed on about science. He holds the fort in that arena, no question. He tried to teach me about the carbon structure of something or other and, as usual, I got lost somewhere between his soft, fading voice and the difference between the Chinese and those darkies with the big noses.

Did you know that there's an LHC being built under the ground somewhere in Victoria at the moment? I surely didn't. But I don't doubt it. My grandfather spends his days swimming through New Scientist archives, researching and advancing his wealth of knowledge. He knows more about life, the universe, and theories of everything than anyone I've met, or probably will ever meet.

We drank a lot of coffee this past weekend, and walked for an age. I forget sometimes, that they're both around 80-years-old.

Apart from that weekend distraction, I've been hanging out with Daeos, generally just .. a lot, I saw Jannah tonight for a movie (Kung Fu Panda a review for which I plan to write - incredible. A MUST see, for young and old. See it soon, while the children are in the theater with you, they make for an excellent addition to the animation.) Also, Lexiphanic (WHO TURNED 29 TODAY!) and Rook have become some of my favourite drinking partners. Other than that, I've been avoiding thinking about the fact that my ... my muse ... my love ... my awe ... Kea ... is leaving me at some stage this year. I lament my loss to tears, but really, I want her to have everything. And nothing would make me happier than her happiness. Nothing.

I've stopped listening to VNV Nation because it made me want to dance and then take a knife to my throat. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I'm ready for the kind of negative emotional flow that VNV Nation brings out in me. As such, I've been dappling with a little jazz lately. Tell me people, if you can, a jazz artist that I should listen to?

Lately I've been shopping in the vegetarian fridge section at Coles and have been finding the most delightful sweets. Soft tofu and mango syrup yogurtish thing. 300g for $2.50. Fantastic. Also, I've been smoking a lot lately. Spending my money on death. I was inspired tonight, to quit. My longest and greatest friend Jannah has just quit her 9-to-5 office job to go to Art School. I love her for doing that. And, she's going to start running in the afternoons. I'm going to start taking a ferry to her house, and run with her. Some time ... in a month or so. I'll give her a head start.

This blog took me the same time to write as it did to eat the noodle stirfry that I cooked just before, myself, which is awesome. (Then, I left it until 3am to post. Which is now. I wish I still had stirfry.)


These images just featured on ModBlog









Aside from that, my last blog was incrediwin.

I'll reply soon.

I've a final assessment to complete before I'm free.

And then a trip to Sydney, and no-doubt several a distractive social encounters 'tween now and then.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
celtic_cyclops:
I sometimes find your stream of consciousness blogs a little difficult to follow but I think I got there.

Is Sydney this weekend? Have fun anyway and say Hi for me. I am really looking forward to seeing the Sydney people in October.
Jun 24, 2008
linedrawing:
A truly transcendent blog. I'm glad you're growing all the important parts of your spirit back, it's an important thing to do. Amazing how often we forget to care about ourselves. Change and growth in all forms requires celebration. I'm kind of not really around here much lately as I'm on my own little vendetta of self-discovery/-nurturing/all that... exhilarating, sometimes frustrating, but infinitely better than not living life at all. I'm so glad you're feeling so much more in touch and plugged in to your life and where and who you are. It's awesome and inspiring and makes me happy to the brimful. Keep at it. smile xxx
Jun 25, 2008

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