conan

so, i fear all the strides and gains i have made this year in learning the arts of mixed martial arts ring fighting are for not, i do not believe i will be able to afford the time off to train for usa team trials and i feel that the stress of my finances life and family will leave me not so much as untrained but uninspired for a potential amature fight, to quote the great science fiction warrior gurnie hallack, fighting is not for moods or inspiration, i will lower my head tuck my chin and grind one out but i haven't felt this trapped by the consequences of my actions since she was born, i hate the hollidays, the time off, lack of over time, fuck, four years of dedication to this career down the shitter, i once worked 18 fourteen hour days straight. i feel i start this knew year the same way i started when i got of the fucking plane, broke, scared and alone. now she wants more and i have to say no, what a fucking shit storm, i don't think anyones told this woman no her whole life, no with authority, no that denies what she wants not what she needs, she'll get it from her parents and then her parents will make sure to let me know in public that since i "can't" they will cause there grand daughter means everything to them and then they will tell her in front of me that since i can't they will. alone, is what the friends family lovers and aquantences tell me i am not, but they don't know they don't go to her family outings to be double triple reinforced into the outside, i can't wait till i am told when her birthday party will be, and i can't wait to tell them no and how rude they all are, fucking selfish irvine cunts