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conan

cape cod

Member Since 2003

Followers 17 Following 19

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Thursday Jun 26, 2003

Jun 26, 2003
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So I was sitting in my parents kitchen reading Tuesdays with morie and listening to al green (he likes to sing the way I feel), and I had this strong urge to write a journal entry for suicide girls dot COM. Do people even write out the word dot anymore? I live in this small wealthy suburb 30miles outside of Boston. I enjoy the suicide girls girls they have that hole post punk pixie Dixie dynamite thing happening, reminds me of a song by the Who, pictures of lily.
So back to the point, my parents kitchen table. Yes Im 23 and have been in school for four years without yielding a degree, I got one year remaining. So what some might say and how pathetic others will. Now to the real point.
The suicide girls girls and football. I have always been intrigued and attracted to alternative woman, I find then much more visually stimulating and assume that they are interesting people as well. However, I have never been secure enough in my self or other people to pursue any sort of alternative culture relationship, why some might ask and so fuckn what others will.
Football thats pretty much the reason. I have played nine years of football and this August will be the first time in ten years that I dont strap it up and delve myself into 4 months of controlled violence and aggression. I mean, I was told once my freshman year of collage that if I quit football I would become a better person.
So, to squash some of you wanna be x-patriots who believe in European sophistication and suito intellectualism: no rugby is not a meaner or tougher sport, I speak from experience, two so what if the origins of the word football are from what us Americans call soccer, who fuckn cares, and three according to the true definition of the word homoerotic, football is not, homoerotic, but for arguments sake sure football is homoerotic, once again who fucking cares.
Now back to the real point. Football was my scene, and it took all my discipline and dedication, just like many other social collectives. Ive picked up tidbits from all around but when it came down to choosing what and where I wanted to belong to everything else goes on, but for the majority of those who play football last for a finite period of time. And it was MY SCENE, my art, my dance, actually I would bet if you added all the #s of hours up that I would have in four years just as many theory and technique sessions as a three year dance major. But now what it is over, and for some reasons Ive been rejected by the social hives that I find most interesting, enjoyable, blah blah blah. I mean what the fuck.
I mean I guess I belong to sg.com, I paid the membership fee and I have a member profile with my interests and favorite sexual positions, a photograph I cropped to fit just right, it even has an effect to make it look cool. Shit man this sight is intimidating enough with the women and high intellects, fuck, ok so I drove to Baltimore to visit a friend of mine and we went to the Baltimore national aquarium to check out the shark exhibit, no I did not get to touch any of the sharks the line was to long. Right so the sharks in the tanks were just swimming around and shit right lemon sharks bull sharks and sand tigers even the nurse sharks. They all just demanded so much respect; just peeking into their eyes was like death man.
So yes this maybe a confidence issue, but would also like to know if anyone could let me know why this rejection of football or any organized sport./ I would also like to know if this makes any sense.
puke

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