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comradebuttons

Portland, OR

Member Since 2004

Followers 58 Following 74

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Monday May 01, 2006

May 1, 2006
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Well there are only 9 classes left to go to this term. That's good I guess. I am freaking out about next Fall term. Being a full-time student, especially at a campus that takes almost 2 hours to get to and from... it's scary, especially because I enjoy having a social life. I like spending a lot of time with my boyfriend. He works weekends, Monday, Tuesday and now, it seems, Friday. That leaves us Wednesday and Thursday to see eachother. He lives in another city so either I have to ride the bus for 2 hours to his place, or he has to drive his beater car here. It worried me that the only time we'll be able to see eachother after I start full-time is for about 5 hours Wednesday and Thursday evenings. Ugh fuck you school. I will try to get a lot of the courses online I guess. And maybe I can take some over the summer, relieving the class-load a bit.

Whoa I am picking up a really high pitches sound when I look at the monitor. When I look down it gets quieter... This is weird. Must be the chip from my abduction. I KNEW IT! haha.

Anyways I am so stressed out lately. I haven't been able to go to sleep at night for weeks. Something keeps telling me there's more to be done. And I think about death a lot for some reason. Am I afraid to die? Yes, sometimes. Other times I feel like I've made peace with this world and am ready to leave it. Sometimes it excites me... I walk in the dark and convince myself they're out there and I'll be dead soon. It's exciting but frightening.

Anyways I guess I should go dry my hair and do something. I should go to pick up my prescription today but I'm afraid I will be late to school if I do. Never know how long you're going to wait at Planned Parenthood... But my prescription is filled, so shouldn't I just be able to walk in, grab it and go? I would think so, but since I can't be sure, I won't risk it until tomorrow.

Then on Wednesday, to Gabriel's house! That is if his parents don't mind having me again during the week. His dad's a bastard haha. Oh man I feel like I might crack if I can't relax soon. This is so weird, and thinking about it only makes it worse. Maybe I just need to get stupid drunk and forget about it for a while. I wish I knew of a way to make money. I want to move out... I'd like to live in SE Portland. Much closer to Gabe, and much closer to the school I'll be attending for the next two years... Ah that noise is driving me nuts. I gotta get out of this room... mad

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