committed

I am just spiteful. I cannot bring myself to not be a bitter woman. I am this free spirited wishful thinker, and I have so much in my life that I have ever wanted. Yet I cannot seem to get a grasp on social ettiquette, my emotions towards others, and I cannot fucking stop wanting what I cant have! What the hell? Am I 5? In a dept store and my mother has told me no three times, yet each time it only makes me want that doll on the shelf that much more? Or have I retreated back to an old habit where I am much more content daydreaming and walking around in my own head in my fantasyland where everything is perfect, and I have no silly worrysome details, and there is always the perfect lady there to treat me like a lady. Thats a nasty habit. I like to lose myself in my daydreams but it only dissappoints me in real life. People treat me like a million dollars and make promises, but in the end they throw me out like yesterday's leftovers. All in all, it's just fucking wrong and fucked up the way people treat other people. Why cant people just be honest with me? Why cant I just live in my daydreams? Where everything is peaceful and just.

I dread that I will become that girl not unlike Martha Plimpton's character in 200 ciggerettes, where she spends the evening being bitter because she thinks no one is coming to her party and her her best friend is hooking up with her ex. *tosses sandwich at the TV screen while "Love Story" is playing. "Fuck you Mutherfuckers"


I just want to be treated like a person, who has feelings and dreams of her own. Not like some crippled and frigid freak...

Ohhhh...Does anyone know where I might be able to get a bed? I have like no money at the moment so it's got to be free or super cheap...or donated? If anyone knows, just let me know....