cometlori

You know that feeling, when your heart feels like its gone cold, there's a pause, it snaps into a million peices then dies? That is exactly what it felt like about an hour ago.

I have given my life to my boyfriend, I have no friends, I have nothing..but I never regret it. I made a mistake 4 years ago and have repented ever since, I never made that mistake again.

I have gone above and beyond in repenting, putting my life in danger several times and being told things I'd wish upon no one. I have no life outside of him, but I thought it was worth it because I thought he knew the extent of my love.

I have a forgiving heart, forgivng soul and everytime I'd find something that showed he had/was lying to me I'd let it go, or give him a warning, because I thought he knew how much I loved him. I thought he understood the extent of my love.

Pain is love, so I would keep it in.

My life is going nowhere, my life just gets worse. And I thought it would be okay if I could just have him. Last night something just snapped in me and I couldn't hold in the secrets that I knew anymore.

Everytime I would see him, I'd think about it. Everytime we'd make love I'd think about it, and it would just kill me a little more inside, so I decided to let the anger and pain out. Set my soul free a little, since it's imprisoned by so much already.

At first he was apologetic but then he tried to say that I was being unfaithful. He has no reason to doubt me I have given him none and he has given me so many. YET HE IS THE ONE SAYING THAT I AM DOING SOMETHING WRONG!?

I can't even breathe with that thought. He wouldn't even stop eating so we could talk, it was that unimportant, that un-serious to him. Then I realized, I take pain, I cry I hurt just to be with him....then he says that I'm doing something wrong.

I can't take it anymore, even though it means that I will be alone for a very long time. Even though it means that I have no one to confied in, even though I now only have my cat to cry to...it's not worth being doubted anymore. My love shouldn't be doubted anymore. I have a good heart, a good soul and I'm an honest loving person. That is who I am, and the person who I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life,,, shouldn't that person see that?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't breathe I can't think I just have anger and pain. Why post this here? Because I can't do it anywhere else, because I will be judged called stupid whatever. And I don't want to, I'm tired of people judging me.

I don't even see the point of life anymore. I'm alone now. ANd the sad thing is, I don't want anyone. I can't trust anymore and I wont. No one will hurt me anymore, NO ONE. No boy, no friend no one. I said a long time ago that I shouldn't be here anymore and tonight proved it. Tonight proved it.