a little fucked up

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so this may be a little fucked but tonight i decided to be some sort of self destructive. Just because all my healthy coping skills weren't fucking cutting it.

So! The old fall backs.

The funny part to me about this is that once i decided to stop trying so damn hard i started feeling considerably better. Almost as if choosing health was what was...
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hitherfetcher:
Hope things come together for you - emotional pain sucks no less than physical . . .
visionsofed:
Sometimes people just need to let of a little steam so they don't explode. There is nothing wrong with that. 

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Im some negative right now. My energy is violent and it takes so much not to snap. I'm sad. I'm down. I'm crying a lot. I gained a lot of weight. I'm fucking miserable. Even my positive outlets are suffering. I just can't channel it.

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visionsofed:
P.S. I have gained weight after my surgery too. 
nebula:
<3 hang in there. I'm sorry things are so rough right now.

Lately...

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Work has been making me crazy. It's insanely draining and frustrating. I always feel like I need a shot of something strong or a cigarette. But shots would get me fired and cigarettes make me puke. So what to do? I seriously contemplated picking up cigarettes today and just fighting through it, but I really couldn't see it ever being considered more than a break....
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sabbauth:
Lemmy once said "You need to find your drug of choice and stick with that". Joking aside, balance is always the key
visionsofed:
We all have are vices. Diet Coke doesn't sound to bad, at least it isn't chocolate. Ummm, chocolate.

About squirrels

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I've always loved squirrels for their tanacity, i was even planning on getting a squirrel tattoo because those fuckers never quit. I'm rethinking that.

Friday at 12am my fucking plumbing backed up all over my bathroom, and the over flow seeped through the floor and started to flood my stairway.

So me, being a curteous tenant turned off the water, mopped the floor, soaked up...
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white and red

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I feel like i am losing my grip on reality.

That's wrong.

I feel like i am losing reality. The clear lines are fuzzy, i feel like i am existing between two plains. Here and there, I am somewhere in the middle. Some of this of course is attributed to the weather, the seasons change. I always struggle through the change. This seems more pronounced....
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hitherfetcher:
It's really hard to do at the time, I know, but when I get those days, I have to remind myself that they are temporary - that they are due to stress, or the weather, or any number of things that could set it off. While in them it can feel like the rest of your life is a total write-off, but you DO bounce back. Try to remember you're not alone, and keep that "I'm a normal person" costume handy to get through your day (mine has seen a lot of use).
bootlegspm:
I understand. I wish I didn't, but I do. You are not alone, but I know that doesn't help. I wish it did. I wish there was an easy answer. I put one foot in front of the other and stubbornly keep inching forward. The only alternative is to give up, and I just refuse to surrender. I refuse to give up hope in the face of a history that tells me I should. Never surrender. That's my stubborn response. I must believe that somehow things will get better. I am my own worst enemy, but I keep moving anyway. There's always another problem around the corner, but I just keep moving with the assurance that I will not be defeated if I just keep moving forward. The end will be of my choosing, not someone elses. I will go on my terms. Never surrender. I have a lot to offer. Surely someone will recognize that eventually. Surely someday...I must believe it. I have to...
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