look beyond the day at hand
there's nothing there at all
-joy division
and
the world for me stands as something monstrous, an enigma of calamity that has to be accepted, but to which there must be no surrender.
-Freiderich Durrematt
basically summing up my mental state for the past few weeks. things went from intolerable to insane.
sorry i disappeared. interesting how you think you can get through this stuff, and then you don't. still not "all right" yet, but progressing...
culmination was actually this week.
The pinnacle, if you will.
I started crying at work. For a control freak, always in control of her emotions, no nonsense girl, this was the absolute limit.
I was so ashamed.
and had to have the "step in my office and we'll talk" with my boss.
she made me take a day off.
I have never had an "unaccounted for, taken for no reason, nothing planned, surprise" dy off before.
Is this what those mystical "personal" days are all about?
In any case, it was exaclty what I needed.
I didn't see or talk to anyone, went and got my hair done, had a massage, had a lovely lunch of foie gras and four glasses of Chateau LaRose-Trintadon and strange conversation with a secret service guy. Then I went home and slept till 11:30pm and got up to watch Bowie on a Conan O'Brien rerun while eating my joy of joys popcorn.
It was a heavenly day. No one asked me how to do anything, or to do anything, or where their socks were or what ws for breakfast, or why this advertiser was angry or why this color was wrong or why was god so cruel and weird. No one was crying or sighing or trying to "understnad" how I feel, and me likewise, I did nothing but relax. I didn't think it was possible, but it was beautiful. I feel reborn. The massage especially helped. I am hooked. I am relaxed. Finally, at least for one sweet day! The damn self-help books are right, we DO need a "me" day every once in awhile.
oh and thanks everyone who wrote me with concern, I am sorry I didn't write back, it was one of those "unable to contact or even attempt any social actions of any sort with anyone, times"
there's nothing there at all
-joy division
and
the world for me stands as something monstrous, an enigma of calamity that has to be accepted, but to which there must be no surrender.
-Freiderich Durrematt
basically summing up my mental state for the past few weeks. things went from intolerable to insane.
sorry i disappeared. interesting how you think you can get through this stuff, and then you don't. still not "all right" yet, but progressing...
culmination was actually this week.
The pinnacle, if you will.
I started crying at work. For a control freak, always in control of her emotions, no nonsense girl, this was the absolute limit.
I was so ashamed.
and had to have the "step in my office and we'll talk" with my boss.
she made me take a day off.
I have never had an "unaccounted for, taken for no reason, nothing planned, surprise" dy off before.
Is this what those mystical "personal" days are all about?
In any case, it was exaclty what I needed.
I didn't see or talk to anyone, went and got my hair done, had a massage, had a lovely lunch of foie gras and four glasses of Chateau LaRose-Trintadon and strange conversation with a secret service guy. Then I went home and slept till 11:30pm and got up to watch Bowie on a Conan O'Brien rerun while eating my joy of joys popcorn.
It was a heavenly day. No one asked me how to do anything, or to do anything, or where their socks were or what ws for breakfast, or why this advertiser was angry or why this color was wrong or why was god so cruel and weird. No one was crying or sighing or trying to "understnad" how I feel, and me likewise, I did nothing but relax. I didn't think it was possible, but it was beautiful. I feel reborn. The massage especially helped. I am hooked. I am relaxed. Finally, at least for one sweet day! The damn self-help books are right, we DO need a "me" day every once in awhile.
oh and thanks everyone who wrote me with concern, I am sorry I didn't write back, it was one of those "unable to contact or even attempt any social actions of any sort with anyone, times"
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
like i said before. you are getting it. keep it up champ.
don't be a stranger,
t
i've never commented with you before but i think you are the bees knees. i always read your journal. you are a cool lady.
i'm so glad you had a "me" day. we all need those. i know this cuz i am a single mom. believe you me, i need to get me some "me" time on sometimes. rock on.