right
so things should be nice
i had dumplings
a glass of port
we used the fireplace for the first time
dreamweaver annoys me
soooo
i went to home depot with artpunk sunday
i keep having these "this olde house"moments
i smelled all the wood in the air
and was reminded of "Big 4 Lumber"
back in Ohio, and my wonderful father takin gus ther
and his woodshop in the basement
i went home and installed some new light fixtures
some nice new pulls on the cabinetry
and was sanding a chair when i thought of dad again
how it was probbly a little bit of him in me that inspires me to do these things
he can fix or build anything
and dance like a dream
and works hard
and never cusses in front of ladies
(I never knew he swore till my boy assured me his did, like a sailor! he just won't in front of women!)
He is so wonderful I am thinki ng of my father
then I get a phone call from my little sister
she goes to med school in Grenada
she informs me that dad has been in the hospital for a week now and ma just EMAILED her the news Sat!! I hadn't checked my e-mail yet...
He spontaneously lost feeling in both his legs
He got poked and prodded, a spinal biopsy
a neuroscan and no one knows why
the doctors said he was "very interesting"
they sent tests out of state and are still waiting for results to come back
he got out of the joint today and i talked to him
he sounded tired
he never sounds tired
he looks like mr clean fro fucks sake
alll buff and shit
they think he has an infection in his spine
who gets an infection in his spine?
Fuck.
he still can't feel his legs and wants to go back to work but they won't let him
he is very sad and scared
and so am I
and my mom is insane
He thinks he has late life MS
i don't want to think about it
i don't want to think at all
i don't want to lie in bed and cry myself to sleep
again
i want it to go away
he is too young for this
how can it be a fluke?
spine stuff is serious
fuck
what do I do?
how do I feel?
how can I do my normal stupid shit and know he is so sad and scared and bored and going crazy not knowing what is going to happen to him or when or worrying aobut how all of us are crying over him and that makes him feel bad too
fuck
i don't want to think about this
so things should be nice
i had dumplings
a glass of port
we used the fireplace for the first time
dreamweaver annoys me
soooo
i went to home depot with artpunk sunday
i keep having these "this olde house"moments
i smelled all the wood in the air
and was reminded of "Big 4 Lumber"
back in Ohio, and my wonderful father takin gus ther
and his woodshop in the basement
i went home and installed some new light fixtures
some nice new pulls on the cabinetry
and was sanding a chair when i thought of dad again
how it was probbly a little bit of him in me that inspires me to do these things
he can fix or build anything
and dance like a dream
and works hard
and never cusses in front of ladies
(I never knew he swore till my boy assured me his did, like a sailor! he just won't in front of women!)
He is so wonderful I am thinki ng of my father
then I get a phone call from my little sister
she goes to med school in Grenada
she informs me that dad has been in the hospital for a week now and ma just EMAILED her the news Sat!! I hadn't checked my e-mail yet...
He spontaneously lost feeling in both his legs
He got poked and prodded, a spinal biopsy
a neuroscan and no one knows why
the doctors said he was "very interesting"
they sent tests out of state and are still waiting for results to come back
he got out of the joint today and i talked to him
he sounded tired
he never sounds tired
he looks like mr clean fro fucks sake
alll buff and shit
they think he has an infection in his spine
who gets an infection in his spine?
Fuck.
he still can't feel his legs and wants to go back to work but they won't let him
he is very sad and scared
and so am I
and my mom is insane
He thinks he has late life MS
i don't want to think about it
i don't want to think at all
i don't want to lie in bed and cry myself to sleep
again
i want it to go away
he is too young for this
how can it be a fluke?
spine stuff is serious
fuck
what do I do?
how do I feel?
how can I do my normal stupid shit and know he is so sad and scared and bored and going crazy not knowing what is going to happen to him or when or worrying aobut how all of us are crying over him and that makes him feel bad too
fuck
i don't want to think about this
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
kingskottie:
still out there?
earplug6947:
come back!