coldandwet

3 Wishes

I was recently on the Bus, being taken towards my home, when the vehicle in which I was travelling slowed gently to a halt in front of a large building. From there emerged a swarm of ants adorned in grey jumpers and black trousers (Usually too short in the leg), each wielding a branded synthetic sack across their shoulders and the sneer of a liberal attitude to violence across their faces. It would appear I had stumbled across the "school run".

Anyway, this isn't really the point of my journal. That is reserved for raising a conversation topic one of the afore mentioned school brutes raised with his peers.

"If you had 3 wishes, what would you ask for"

These kids of course wanted guns. money, cars and bitches; all of which it is easy to get on ones moral high ground about. Shallow, selfish morons. If I had 3 wishes I'd..................um, I had no idea. It was bound to be noble and serve a higher purpose, but what. What is the most effective exercise of 3 wishes for the maximum benefit. And to whom should that benefit be afforded.

There must of course be rules. If Aladdin had them, then so must I. So based on my memory of the rules (I could have googled but christ, this is my journal. your lucky you didnt get a picture of nutsack and an enquiry as to your feelings on dairy lea dunkers) I was unable to wish for more wishes or make anyone fall in love. I was also not to kill anyone; though for the record this wasn't contemplated. I like to kill my own victims, sod letting the wish co-ordinator take the good jobs. You also cant alter anyone's emotional state, ie I wish Mum was happy is not allowed. I wish mum had a new bathroom suite, because it will make her happy is fine.


I'll 'fess up. The first wish IS selfish. Its obvious and greedy and probably the most common answer to this question. I want money. An infinite amount. Its 2007 and money speaks. It speaks such volumes that if Im honest I struggled to find a second and third wish that my first would be unable to provide me. Money would allow me be as charitable as I like, fight the causes that are dear to me and let me holiday in the Carribean 12 times a year. I could sign David Villa for Liverpool and purchase SG and zot the people who irritate me. I coould be both as angelical and petty as I chose.

Of course the reality is that infinite moolah would implode the worlds economy, causing new waves of poverty and undermining the worlds largest governments. I cant be arsed to develop a thorough economic theory to explain this but essentially it would be a bad thing for the same reasons the government dont just get the mint to run another billion 5 notes off every time they want to enact new policies.

Second Wish. The ability to alter reality. This could happen in multiple ways. I narrowed down my choice to the ability to slow/speed up time, travel into the past, the ability to be invisible or to fly. Time travel doesnt work because of the SImpsons episode where Homer ends up 3D. The Matrix effect would be cool but I just don't think thats its neccesary to avoid lateness when you have the self awarded wealth my first answer provided. This leaves me with superhero powers to choose between and I think I want to fly. I think invisibility would get old after my 22nd trip to Natilie Imbruglia's shower room and flying I imagine ot be sufficently exhilerating that it fulfils my criteria for the second wish.

And this is as far as I've got. My mind has pondered lesbien exhibitionist swedish housemates, a penis enlargement, pectoral implants, ever lasting trainers, a good haircut, the end of the death penalty world wide and many other things. But Im stuck.

So, what do you wish for. Give me a third wish or tell me all 3 of your potential choices and help me prove that SG members are smarter than 15 year old Hull chavs.

Till next time