coffeewhiskey

everything feels like its breaking or broken.
I wonder if i do have depression problems.
I go into work and get a 10 dollar tip for a delivery at 12:20 and see co workers that were hired last fucking week walk out with 30-40 dollar tips. I will have no money for this weekend and if i dont have a good mon-wed i will have no money for big bear.
I know i took too much time off.
My car is giving me shit.
The suspension is beyond shot.
i need to sell it but dont have the money to put it up.
I saw some picture of an ex, they were pictures of her when we were together.
I realized she means absolutley nothing to me now because she has changed so much.
but the girl in those pictures was my cure for that time being.
And I missed that time and those days like water in a desert.
I dream so vividly and my memories seem so faint it almost feels like a dream.
I wonder if Im just paying my hearts outstanding bills for all that happiness I racked up over those years.
I feel better after I type it all out.
not sure why.
still have to wait an hour and a half to actually work.
until then nothing.

my god, a fresh start, doesnt that sound like the answer to everything.

Well I'm trying to be patient
But the wheels keep turning round
But it's a treadmill and I just dragging my feet
I'm so tired of everything
Defeated by routine
By words that don't mean anything to me
At least not anymore now that I'm done...