Since I still have no means of getting away and go see friends (car keys still locked up in car along with my cell phone), I am bored out of my fucking mind.
So I've cleaned a bit, sorted through some papers and found some old scribble. I scribble notes on just about everything. I can't remember the date, but I do believe this was written some time last winter.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I remember wanting to bring you here. Wanting to show you this place that I love. Out of everyone you were the only one I wanted to bring into my life.
And yet I could never bring myself to ask.
I've been acting so weird these last few days. I have had a great time at the cabin but I haven't been able to collect my thoughts nor engange in long lasting conversations with papa or mom.
I have just smiled, nodded and drifted off into my own world.
Memories of him has relentlessly washed over me like waves.
All the bad stuff, the good times, the pain, the feeling of bursting from within because you want to hold back.
How I have been used, and kept coming back for more because I thought no one could ever make me feel the same again.
/shrug
I remember, but I am happy I won't feel that way again. I know better.
On a whole new note, god I miss acting.
I miss the stress, the drama, the smell of powder in the make-up room, hearing the laughter of the audience, looking into the mirror and not seeing yourself but the other you, the one on stage, how each item of clothing turned me into someone else, that feeling after, when curtains are down and the lights are off.. It is the most brilliant feeling in the world.
From when we did The lion, the witch and the wardrobe.
New in school so I was unicorn #2.
A few years later, getting ready for a show.
