coffeelove

So I guess you bringing the rat cage back into the living room is your way of saying you're sorry but still.. Shaking their cage and yelling at me because they smell like rats was pretty upsetting.
I seriously have to find my own place to live. I'm tired of never being alone.

And on the tired note.. I need to get myself a appointment with my doctor. I think I might have developed some kind of anxiety after the incident at the airport in January. I fainted twice while waiting to go through the security check and ever since I've had strange spells of dizziness. I sit down to eat, take two or three bites and feel so nauseated and dizzy I just have to leave the table. And some situations that I guess makes me uncomfortable in some ways, even though they have never bothered me before. On my birthday, when we were about to head out to town and were discussing who went with who, I had to sit down to keep myself from falling over. It's just..whenever, wherever. Today was particularly bad, at some point I considered leaving work to go home but it passed after a while.
And stomach pains.. fuck, I've had them constantly for a month I'm sure. Most of the time I don't really notice it but some days it feels like my insides are getting ripped out of me.
Also feel an increasingly high need to be alone. There has been people around me constantly since March and I'm the kind that needs to be alone to process things. I might go bonkers soon. I feel like I haven't even been able to process my aunts death and funeral. I'm can sitting at work, drinking coffee and then suddenly I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from bursting out into tears.
I feel like such a fucking mess these days.