coffeelove

My mom called me yesterday and before I picked up the phone I knew it was bad news.
My aunt has a couple of weeks, maybe a month or two left to live. They found another tumor in her stomach and there is nothing left to be done. It is a rare and aggressive form of cancer, 1% of people with cancer has that particular form of cancer.
My grandmother broke up with God yesterday, my mother kept asking "why" and I feel stranded in a black hole of grief. Isn't this the worst? Waiting for someone to die..
I have flashbacks constantly, all my memories of her are filled with happiness, there has never been any anger or sadness, just pure joy. And then it hits me again and again, these memories are all I will have.
And it angers me because this is the year she became more than my favourite person in the world, she became my friend. I have reached the age where she can talk to me as an adult, and I can appreciate her wisdom and her advice.. and..
I remember last summer, we walked along a beach in Skagen, Denmark, both a bit drunk, a bit hungover, we visited the grave of her favourite artist and poured a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Pernod over his tomb. Then we sat on some stones and shared a glass of Pernod, looked out on the Kattegat sea and I hoped it would stay like that forever.
Well.. I guess it won't.