My thoughts lately have become quite negative. I’ve given up on finding happiness. As I get older I’ve come to except that I don’t deserve happiness anymore. I have lost faith in pursuit of happiness. I just want those around me to feel relieved that I will not disappoint them anymore. I figure that if I stop trying to make myself happy, everyone will be more appreciative of what I have to offer them. Today I have thought about killing myself because of how unhappy I make everyone around me. I feel like my existence only drains from those around me. I don’t want people to feel sad for me. I do it quite enough on my own. But I feel as though my life steals energy that would be better used by someone else. My whole life has seemed wasted. We all go through changes in life. My changes just seem to be in the wrong direction from everyone else.