Definately a bit lost these days. Monday night I went to meet up w/ some people. Long story short, I got completely shit-faced drunk. Really bad. Like, to the point I don't remember some things I did... mainly drive home. I remember leaving the friends' house, next thing I know im taking a shower in my apartment. I got zero sleep (partying from 10pm - 4am, when I left to go home, change, and catch my flight.) passed out after my shower for an hour and a half, when my friend woke me to drive me to the airport.

I was still drunk when she woke me. We talked about it last night. She basically told me she is worried about me. Since I got back from Iraq, I drink to escape and I'm destructive with my drinking. I still don't remember getting home. She thinks I should go to couseling for it. I don't want the Navy to find out about it though. I just... I don't know what I am doing with myself. I know I was out of line for drinking and driving like that, and I know I drink alot, and I know I am gaining weight because I drink so much, but I also know WHY I drink. I drink to fill the hole. I need something to fill the hole. I'm sure when I get out of the Navy and back to my family/friends in NY the drinking will end... but for right now, I don't have any way of stopping it. I have no way to just cut it off, because if that happens, I don't think I will have anything but my own mind's devices. I am my worst enemy. I am a destructive force in myself. I will try to consciously cut back... if I am having trouble with it, then I will seek professional help. Rome wasn't built overnight, and I won't be able to fix my shit in the next two weeks. We shall see what happens during/after my leave.

In other news, I think I am going to get full tattoo sleeves. I was watching this special on the NYPD and there was a detective LT. who had full sleeves... and it would be awesome to sport them. Do I get the full sleeves or no?

Also, I recently designed a website for my buddy's business (luckystattooparlor.com). I haven't done web design in about 3 years, and it was really cool to get involved in it again. I am thinking to go to college for it. But I still enjoy working in emergency services... and getting a degree in emergency management is helpful for said job. Do I go for a degree in emergency management or web design?

These are just a few questions that are on my mind right now. Damn I need to fix my shit. Damn I need to cut back on my drinking. Damn I need to get my head straight. I said God Damn.... God Damn.