Thursday Jan 09, 2003

0
As much as women are supposed to enjoy being single in this day and age, I dont. I would really enjoy having a significant other. I miss all the fun things that come along with a relationship. Why am I starving for someone? Im young. And I dont particularly like the attachment that comes along with the territory. It just causes vulnerability and I dont need to let my defenses down. What a terrible view to have at 20 years of age.

I know I dont enjoy sleeping alone, but I also know that I hate this feeling of longing for someone. I find myself being very needy when it comes to relationships. Maybe its because Im a spoiled brat. I do hate this fact. It makes me feel very dependent on another individual. When I fall for someone I fall hard and fast. When I have something good I try to hold onto it no matter how bad the good turns. Its pathetic. I should have enough self-confidence to know when to walk away. To know someones not right for me. I can preach all I want, but when it comes down to it I just turn to mush. It takes a long time for me to get right back up. I really need to work on this. Im not sure how Im going to accomplish this.

My future is important to me. I should be focusing on my goals and achievements. I need to make myself happy before I can expect anyone else to.

Or something. confused
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
kid_607_evil_ins:
every time i see your pic i imagine you getting ready to belt out a really high-pitched vocal phrase ala Bjork.

is this true?

*is stuck in something that he needs to get out of quick*
freyja__:
i think the dependency thing can be cured by learning to LOVE being alone. knowing that in the end, the only person you can really count on for anything is yourself. at least that is what worked for me. i had always been involved with someone since i was 15.. for long periods of time. always meeting someone new; when one thing ended, another began. and then i decided i needed a break to figure out what i really want in a partner and learned how to just live with myself.. and be happy. i went to see broadway shows alone, to the movies alone, to the park alone, all sorts of 'more fun with someone else' activities.. and i had a GREAT time. it's easy to fill space with someone.. like a bed or a chair or a bar stool. if you want 'just for fun' type situations, they're a dime a dozen. but if you're looking to get out of the 'attachment' cycle.. you just have to be alone for a while. in my humble opinion, of course.

*chants* new york! new york! new york!
have you been here lately? school in new york.
that's my vote. wink

kiss

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