Thumbs up! [09 May 2004|05:24am]
God damnit! When to will's show. It was cool to sdee everyone out. New and old. Breea, russel, collin, gretchen, overstreet, gratis, will, nick, nathan (weird since brett was there), amy, and everyone else. There was some pretentious slut that called me a bitch for making fun of meth heads. She's prolly a meth head. But she didn't seem to be a robot, I wish she was. So I could hate her more. Luke was there, my studdering friend from high school. I ate muffins and had jones soda. Brittney wrote a fucking insulting entry on her live journal that I just read. I will agree that some stuff is true, but other things are not. Like that I care only about stripping, I don't give a shit about stripping other than the fact that it's my job and I sometimes (most the time) enjoy it. She also said things like I would spend the rent money on wigs. I am guessing she was tryint to piss me off with that. It's kind of funny. I am gonna go out on a limb and say honestly that I don't trust or like anyone anymore. Bretts okay and Nick is hella great. But brittney... Hmmmm... is nothing. I love her. But why? There is something missing with her always. Maybe I was never interested in being her friend, maybe it was always that I wanted to be her lover. And since I know that is fake, I guess that we can't be friends. Its hopeless. I wanna get out of this town. Not because I don't like it, but because I burnt all my bridges. Look I was never a good friend to anyone I know. I am a selfish bitch who wants everything her way. So just don't get involved with me, It's useless. You will never find a good side to me. I am satan. It's plain and simple. Hahahahahaha. Nick should run away with me and we could be like bunny and clide. He's so real and nice and I'm so fake and evil. It works well I think. And yeah nathan was at the show. I fucking throw in the towel with him. Everyone has fucked me and my connections with him. Appearantly Kathryn and Kyle told him shit like I was obesessed with him, which i was not i was just being silly like a little girl. And whether i was or not is none of his business. Then when he told brett all of this, brett acted all surprized and pissed like i was cheating on him even though we are not going out. So I am guessing nathans opinion of me is that I am a weirdo freak that wanted to lock him in a cage and worship him and do all this behind bretts back. I was never even gonna hit on nathan. I can't do things like that, I am way too shy. And second the reason I never discussed this with brett is because we weren't going out and to tell him I had a crush on someone else would be degrading. Brittney also said I am on a fast track to no where. i would just like to pose the question, what makes you think your going somewhere and doing anything more with your life than I am? Sure i hear you saying, "well, I'm in school, you dropped out." So? I never wanted school, you know thats not for me. And also is that really important in the long run, does four years slaving to books really make you a better person on your death bed? NO! But maybe I didn't hear you say that. And who knows? I may go back to school next semester. I swear sometimes I wish I would have stayed in seattle. What would I be doing then? How different would another away have made me? Jesus, I have no idea what I am thinking sometimes. One of the biggest reasons I came back here was to pursue a relationship that never existed with a girl who means nothing. Also because I am emotionally attatched to brett. And I don't want Patsy to die alone. I am so selfish anyother time. Why couldn't I have been more selfish about that decision. Jesus Christ I fucking suck. Any ways, I feel very insulted by brittney and her online antics. But i guess this is when the television smart ass comes in and says, "Don't dish if you can't take it!" So I guess this is my my fault for being rude to fucking stephanie. But still I wasn't very "wicca" of brittney to be rude and condiscending to me vis internet. Good job gold-earth-witch! I'm sure they
ll still be holding your place in summerland when you pass! Awwwww! Hehehehehehe. I'm sush a dumb bitch. And It's true I may be loosing my mind. maybe that damn kidney infection has gotten into my blood and is poisoning my brain. I don't doubt it. That's what happened to patsy when she had her nervous break down. When she thought she was a centaur. Maybe I'll loose complete touch with reality soon. I am so not tired. I want a bike. I just don't wanna put it together. Everyone is so worried about me. Fuck you guys, I'm fine. Not really. But in reality there is nothing anyone can do. I may be in the state hospital soon. Bye cat shit
Dirty pop!
God damnit! When to will's show. It was cool to sdee everyone out. New and old. Breea, russel, collin, gretchen, overstreet, gratis, will, nick, nathan (weird since brett was there), amy, and everyone else. There was some pretentious slut that called me a bitch for making fun of meth heads. She's prolly a meth head. But she didn't seem to be a robot, I wish she was. So I could hate her more. Luke was there, my studdering friend from high school. I ate muffins and had jones soda. Brittney wrote a fucking insulting entry on her live journal that I just read. I will agree that some stuff is true, but other things are not. Like that I care only about stripping, I don't give a shit about stripping other than the fact that it's my job and I sometimes (most the time) enjoy it. She also said things like I would spend the rent money on wigs. I am guessing she was tryint to piss me off with that. It's kind of funny. I am gonna go out on a limb and say honestly that I don't trust or like anyone anymore. Bretts okay and Nick is hella great. But brittney... Hmmmm... is nothing. I love her. But why? There is something missing with her always. Maybe I was never interested in being her friend, maybe it was always that I wanted to be her lover. And since I know that is fake, I guess that we can't be friends. Its hopeless. I wanna get out of this town. Not because I don't like it, but because I burnt all my bridges. Look I was never a good friend to anyone I know. I am a selfish bitch who wants everything her way. So just don't get involved with me, It's useless. You will never find a good side to me. I am satan. It's plain and simple. Hahahahahaha. Nick should run away with me and we could be like bunny and clide. He's so real and nice and I'm so fake and evil. It works well I think. And yeah nathan was at the show. I fucking throw in the towel with him. Everyone has fucked me and my connections with him. Appearantly Kathryn and Kyle told him shit like I was obesessed with him, which i was not i was just being silly like a little girl. And whether i was or not is none of his business. Then when he told brett all of this, brett acted all surprized and pissed like i was cheating on him even though we are not going out. So I am guessing nathans opinion of me is that I am a weirdo freak that wanted to lock him in a cage and worship him and do all this behind bretts back. I was never even gonna hit on nathan. I can't do things like that, I am way too shy. And second the reason I never discussed this with brett is because we weren't going out and to tell him I had a crush on someone else would be degrading. Brittney also said I am on a fast track to no where. i would just like to pose the question, what makes you think your going somewhere and doing anything more with your life than I am? Sure i hear you saying, "well, I'm in school, you dropped out." So? I never wanted school, you know thats not for me. And also is that really important in the long run, does four years slaving to books really make you a better person on your death bed? NO! But maybe I didn't hear you say that. And who knows? I may go back to school next semester. I swear sometimes I wish I would have stayed in seattle. What would I be doing then? How different would another away have made me? Jesus, I have no idea what I am thinking sometimes. One of the biggest reasons I came back here was to pursue a relationship that never existed with a girl who means nothing. Also because I am emotionally attatched to brett. And I don't want Patsy to die alone. I am so selfish anyother time. Why couldn't I have been more selfish about that decision. Jesus Christ I fucking suck. Any ways, I feel very insulted by brittney and her online antics. But i guess this is when the television smart ass comes in and says, "Don't dish if you can't take it!" So I guess this is my my fault for being rude to fucking stephanie. But still I wasn't very "wicca" of brittney to be rude and condiscending to me vis internet. Good job gold-earth-witch! I'm sure they
ll still be holding your place in summerland when you pass! Awwwww! Hehehehehehe. I'm sush a dumb bitch. And It's true I may be loosing my mind. maybe that damn kidney infection has gotten into my blood and is poisoning my brain. I don't doubt it. That's what happened to patsy when she had her nervous break down. When she thought she was a centaur. Maybe I'll loose complete touch with reality soon. I am so not tired. I want a bike. I just don't wanna put it together. Everyone is so worried about me. Fuck you guys, I'm fine. Not really. But in reality there is nothing anyone can do. I may be in the state hospital soon. Bye cat shit
Dirty pop!
budrollit:
how do manage to write so much stuff i wish i could ,i wish i could , you must be an amazing girl dont let the mediocore get you down , 