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Where is my mind? I realy love the Pixies. I was super stoked to see that I got the Pixies DVD from Netflix in the mail today. It is awesome as are the Pixies. I have been way into them again since seeing them in Bend las month. I was lucky to see them in the early 90's, and the years they spet apart did them no distress. They are back together and better than ever. I have also been downloading lot's of their live shows from the current tour. So good. The Pixies along with Built To Spill are why I love Live music so much. The energy they create is just so powerful. They can take me away at least temporaily from my depression. I need to cuddle with someone soon dammit. I miss foreplay, afterplay, and all the cuddleing, don't get me wrong the sex in between is just as important, but I can get off bymyself if needed. The stuff I miss is the stuff I can't do alone. GRRRRRR!! I guess I need to get out more. Sitting here at home complaining about never meeting anyone is not doing any good and producing no results. I need to stop trying to romance my best friend, with whom nothing is ever going to happen no matter what I do is fuitless and useless. I took her to the Beach at a romantic retreat filed with an amzing dinner, and wine, walks on the beach nothing. Back here in PDX, an extensive diner cooked by myself, and not to toot my own horn too much, but it was amazing still nothing. I am done, not with being her friend, but done with this pursuit of 5 years that has done nothing but got me hurt and broken-hearted. It has been especially bad being unemployed. I have nothing to do but sit and rethink all the stuff over the years. constantly debating myself with no clear winner. I am not sure a serious relationship is what I am looking for, but someone who loves my presence and the things I do for her, as much as I enjoy being around and doing things for her. Back to the unemployment issue. I need to get my resume done so I can take it into the Unemployment office and fill out a profile as they requested. I appreciate their help, but I am not looking to go back into Retail management, and have told them this, but that is all they want to set me up with. I really think going back to school and finishing my english and history degrees are the most important thing. Teaching is the profession I really am interested in and always have been. I need to get to PSU and see about re-enrolling. I never technically left so I need to find out the process for getting back in. With all this free time and lack of pot smoking, one would think tis task would be easy. Years of laziness still linger and are making it difficult for me. Oh well, guess I'll quit my bitchin' and get back to watching the Pixies DVD. Cheers for now!