clockworkjim

preface: I have not, nor will I ever give up on love. I will always be looking for the voluptuous love of my life. The cute sexy girl who will Pay her own money to go to a scifi convention, OF HER OWN FREE WILL

now to the depressing stuff:

Looking through myspace for pictures of your ex, bad idea. Looking through Myspace for the guys in pictures with her, even worse.

Noticing that she is doing things with her friends that she said she would never do with you....painfull.

I am still completely in love with her. Or, at the very least, in love with being with her.
She thinks I was more in love with the idea of us then actually us.
She says I do not make her happy anymore. She says I cause her stress.
She doesnt want me to change just for her. She says that would be a lie.

She Says I am me, and should never fit into anyone's mold.

She says I was never ready for what she was looking for.

She says we are two fundementally different people. I am okay with that, she isn't.

I will never fit into anyone else's mold. I am incapable of that. No girl has a mold I would fit into. I doubt that in my entire life I will have a successful relationship. I fell this not out of some self loathing, but for a truthful reason:
I am to different for anyone to really get.
Would a relationship be worth it if I have to change things I view as positive about myself? If I cannot find a single girl that is not creeped out by me, should I change myself?

I open my mouth, and people are offended. I say exactly what is on my mind, regardless of the consequences. This is not bravery or stupidity. The consequences do not even occur to me. I cannot change what I desire or need in a relationship. Hiding it is not an option. If you are not giving me what I want, I will not be pleased. I would rather have nothing, then have half of what I want. I am aggressive, I have no patience. I do not like the "game."

I see attractive girls all the time. I am reduced to a blubbering idiot in front of them.

My idea of pursuing a women is akin to stalking. I feel the primal urge well up in side of me. I wish for them to reflect it back. To submit before me. Their urge will match mine, and will last long. If I do not feel that, I fell nothing.

I like to hear that they want me, not just feel it. I want it spoken to me, screamed to me, begging before me.

I yearn for this I fall in love with this. I fall in love with the one who hangs on me, and lets everyone know that she loves me. Who touches me because it makes her feel better.null