My timing is perfect.. I have off on this Friday, so that means I have an extra weekend day to start throwing some stuff out and get some stuff ready for the move. Since my borthday falls on a Saturday this year, I was given Friday off in exchange. So that weekend I can move in to the new digs.
I called my landlords son, the younger Phil --to let him know I am moving. He thought that something is wrong. He always thinks something is wrong. He always asks "so hows everything?" " Are you doing good?" Even in a conversation he asks it multiple times. He is annoying, much more annoying than his father, the senior Phil.
So I came home and broke the news to the elder Phil.
Conversation after general chit chat:
Me: Phil, I have bad news for you
Phil: You cant get any more cranberry juice?
Me: No, I am moving.
Phil: Why? Do you not like it here, C'mon Stevie boy. You like it here, right... Why do you need to move?
Me: *thinks to myself...because you are a smelly old man and I am sick of hearing about your problems with the mail slot and the waft of asparagus wafting up the stairs sometimes* Um, ...becuase I need to move for my job.
(this is partly true, I am <this much closer to my job now> .26 miles. Yes, point two six miles.)
Phil: Oh, ok you want to leave now?
Me: No, I plan to move after this month. The weekend of December 3rd.
Phil: Will you fix the mail slot on the door before you go?
Me: Yes, I will this weekend. YOU NEED A BIGGER BASKET TO CATCH THE MAIL!!!
Phil: Oh, I like this television show. Do you watch this?
Me: No, I do not watch television
Phil: C'mon ....you have to watch TV.
Me: Speaking of television, I will need to transfer the cable company account back to your name since I will not be here anymore.
Phil: Why?
Me: Becuase........If you do not pay for it, you cant watch TV.
Phil: Oh, I have to watch this show and <some guys name I forget> on Sunday. Do you pray?
Me: Yeah, so......Since today is Novemebr 8th, and my rent for this month is paid, you will need to give me my security deposit back once I am ready to leave and your son inspects everything to make sure there are no damages.
Phil: You never gave me a security deposit
Me: *sigh* Phil, remember when I gave you money before I moved in that was not for rent?
Phil: No. How much was it?
Me: yes, I gave you $950 dollars (In all $50's he said he wanted....damn motha F***** !!!)
Phil: Oh, right.
Me: Yeah, so you will need to give that back to me
Phil: Give what back?
Me: My security deposit
Phil: You never gave one to me. You paid rent every month you have been here and you never had to give money to that guy.
Me: Right, becuase the realty agent screwed up by giving me your name and phone number and never collected his "finders fee" (more like the kid was smart because of the 15% of one months rent was not worth dealing with this old codger...so yes, I am $950 ahead of the game but still..severnece pay ...severence!!!)
Phil: So what do you need?
Me: I will call your son tommorow to go over this with him
Time came home: 6:18PM
Time of converation: 27 minutes
Time I have further reduced my life by : 35 minutes
Why the difference? Becuase the rest of the conversation was not remembered as I was not paying attention any longer. I vaguely remember him telling me about him being an ambulance driver in WWII and his friend who is a car mechanic who lives around the block that goes tuna fishing and how that at the VFW hall they have really good green beans.
It is all true, if you want I can give you his phone number, or feel free to visit. Perhaps you are looking for a nice apartment for $950 a month. All inclusive, you even get an old man. Bwahahahahaha
ps. respect your elders!!!
I called my landlords son, the younger Phil --to let him know I am moving. He thought that something is wrong. He always thinks something is wrong. He always asks "so hows everything?" " Are you doing good?" Even in a conversation he asks it multiple times. He is annoying, much more annoying than his father, the senior Phil.
So I came home and broke the news to the elder Phil.
Conversation after general chit chat:
Me: Phil, I have bad news for you
Phil: You cant get any more cranberry juice?
Me: No, I am moving.
Phil: Why? Do you not like it here, C'mon Stevie boy. You like it here, right... Why do you need to move?
Me: *thinks to myself...because you are a smelly old man and I am sick of hearing about your problems with the mail slot and the waft of asparagus wafting up the stairs sometimes* Um, ...becuase I need to move for my job.
(this is partly true, I am <this much closer to my job now> .26 miles. Yes, point two six miles.)
Phil: Oh, ok you want to leave now?
Me: No, I plan to move after this month. The weekend of December 3rd.
Phil: Will you fix the mail slot on the door before you go?
Me: Yes, I will this weekend. YOU NEED A BIGGER BASKET TO CATCH THE MAIL!!!
Phil: Oh, I like this television show. Do you watch this?
Me: No, I do not watch television
Phil: C'mon ....you have to watch TV.
Me: Speaking of television, I will need to transfer the cable company account back to your name since I will not be here anymore.
Phil: Why?
Me: Becuase........If you do not pay for it, you cant watch TV.
Phil: Oh, I have to watch this show and <some guys name I forget> on Sunday. Do you pray?
Me: Yeah, so......Since today is Novemebr 8th, and my rent for this month is paid, you will need to give me my security deposit back once I am ready to leave and your son inspects everything to make sure there are no damages.
Phil: You never gave me a security deposit
Me: *sigh* Phil, remember when I gave you money before I moved in that was not for rent?
Phil: No. How much was it?
Me: yes, I gave you $950 dollars (In all $50's he said he wanted....damn motha F***** !!!)
Phil: Oh, right.
Me: Yeah, so you will need to give that back to me
Phil: Give what back?
Me: My security deposit
Phil: You never gave one to me. You paid rent every month you have been here and you never had to give money to that guy.
Me: Right, becuase the realty agent screwed up by giving me your name and phone number and never collected his "finders fee" (more like the kid was smart because of the 15% of one months rent was not worth dealing with this old codger...so yes, I am $950 ahead of the game but still..severnece pay ...severence!!!)
Phil: So what do you need?
Me: I will call your son tommorow to go over this with him
Time came home: 6:18PM
Time of converation: 27 minutes
Time I have further reduced my life by : 35 minutes
Why the difference? Becuase the rest of the conversation was not remembered as I was not paying attention any longer. I vaguely remember him telling me about him being an ambulance driver in WWII and his friend who is a car mechanic who lives around the block that goes tuna fishing and how that at the VFW hall they have really good green beans.
It is all true, if you want I can give you his phone number, or feel free to visit. Perhaps you are looking for a nice apartment for $950 a month. All inclusive, you even get an old man. Bwahahahahaha
ps. respect your elders!!!
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
rin:
man, i'd be gouging my eyes out with a spoon after that conversation.
prockgirlscout:
I'm....sorry? 