I thought it was time for me to share all my new year's resolutions with you guys :)
This year, I decided I would stick to only ONE resolution, because when you raise the bar too high you take a bigger risk to fail. So, let's talk about it : hopefully, I'll be able to change my life for good in 2018. I know this resolution is the only I need to change for everything else to fall into place.
Hope & faith are the best weapons ever when you want to reach your goals...
I want to RECOVER fully.
For those who don't know yet, I've had eating disorders for a long time. I feel better than a few years ago hopefully, but I've relapsed many times this year and I don't want this to happen again.
I'm going 30 in july and have been living a hell because of bulimia and anorexia for nearly 8 years now. I'm so sick of it. I've read too many books, blogs, watched hundred of youtube videos, listened to tons of podcasts on the subject... I think I know everything I need to know in order to change my mindset.
I'm fucking afraid because I know recovery goes with a little weight gain, but I need to accept it. I know everyone will tell me I look good right now and I don't need to put on any weight, but the fact is ... I do. I've not had my periods in years : this problem is called "amenorrhea", and to sum up, it happens when ladies don't have enough body fat. My current weight is considered healthy, but there is also a weight your body's made for, called "the set point". It's the perfect weight for YOUR body to be healthy, and it could be at any BMI (see this post for more info on this). In order to recover and be healthy, I will have to accept this fucking set point weight.
So my goal this year is to reach it and embrace the fluff, so to say. I'm afraid, for a lot of reasons, but also for SG. I hope I will still feel good in my skin, and I also hope I will still be attractive, lol. But the most important thing for me now is to be healthy, more than looks. The anxiety is high, but it's time to make a change... And to do this, I have to get out of my comfort zone.
So wish me luck, because I'll need support <3
