Today's post is a little bit intimate, but because everybody here has already seen me naked I guess that's ok, lol !
A week ago my gyn told me my pap test was abnormal, and that I had the HPV virus. This nasty virus can cause cervical cancer so it's not something to take lightly, but hopefully treatments exist and cure the disease.
My main problem is I have a gynecologist exam phobia. I don't have any problems with intercourse, but when a doctor has to put a medical object inside, I'm just panicking. I hate, absolutely, hate, having a speculum inside. I hate feeling it, I hate being in the gyn chair and putting my feet on those stirrups so my legs can stay wide open. My last pap was a nightmare, my legs were shaking and I couldn't control them at all... It was like having a panick attack, tbh. And my gyn is adorable, she was nice, so the problem is not her...
I had my first pap at 27 because of this. Pretty late, I know. This one was abnormal too, and I was supposed to do another one 4 months later... It took me 2 years and a half because I was so scared. During those 2 years, I took aproximately 50 gyn appointments, and canceled each one of them because I was afraid.
Now I have to do a colposcopy, and I'm terrified. My gyn doesn't perform this exam so I have to meet another one. I don't know him, he's a man, but I've read everywhere he was really nice and understanding so I hope he will take the time to understand my problem.
My appointment is tomorrow, and I just don't want to go but I don't have a choice. If I have anything serious I have to do this. I have to put on my big girl panties and deal with whatever happens. I can see this as an opportunity to beat this phobia for good, after all...
Wish me luck.
