Spirit Warriors have three great treasures: simplicity, patience, and compassion.
That sign used to hang in the room where I learned how to fight. Had my instructor been at the party I was at tonight, the sign might have listed the three treasures as Hennesy, California DJs, and Naughty Nurses.
What am I on about? Ill tell you; the Black Baby Jesus apologized to me tonight for the awful Michael Jackson vs. Prince DJs Thursday night, and He did it (as is His custom) poetically.
I explaineth; attend.
I love San Francisco right now. I love my city so much, I want to cry if I think about my city ever representing for some other motherfucker as hard as it did for me tonight. Tonight, the Bay Area fucking brought it.
Imagine: Its about 10:30, I am crispy from watching this all day art seminar, burnt to the tips of my toes in a room full of yet-to-be drunken concept artists, painters, 3-D modelers, level designers, texture artists and (probably) project managers (boo) from all over the US and overseas (if you count Germany and France, which Im not ashamed to admit that I do). As I walk in, the DJ is playing Mobb Deep, Shook Ones, so I knew it was going to be a Hennesy evening. The bartender and I have found our personal equilibrium; I over tip, and the drinks are over strong.
The first DJ was good, but after he finished?
Oh.
My.
God.
This goofy looking Asian dude in a cheap black suit stepped up and I confess I was expecting more boring rock music for pretentious metrosexuals with high-maintenance haircuts (see also my New Years experience). I almost left. But this kid methodically and ruthlessly destroyed the fucking venue with a Will to Power..
Look, Im a turntablist myself. Ive seen the best; Q-Bert, Z-Trip (with and without Radar), Craze, Faust and Shortee, the Beat Junkies, the Allies, the Executioners. I saw the DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist 45s set and the Invisibl Scratch Pikl finale set that ran after Scratchcon 2000. DJ Relm was in there. I dont know if he can kill it like that every night, or if there was some kind of beautiful synchronicity to playing before a room full of artists, but da-YUM. He was so good.
He mashed it up like Z-Trip does, scratching to Jimi Hendrix and rocking shit like the Beatles over soul breaks, but he did a lot more beat-juggling and scratching and had this whole video presentation synched to his set that took the whole thing over the top. He had a whole section clearly built for the break dancers, and a few of the artists in attendance gave it a shot. Nobody was going to win any b-boy battles any time soon, but shit was still fun.
Relms set was so fucking good, I jocked him and bought the guy drinks. He was grooving on my fawning admiration, it was funny for both of us. Hes clearly not a rock star, but fuck itfor three hours tonight, I was his Pamela Lee, and I was going to do everything I could to Take It All. (Bitch.)
THEN, who comes on after him but Numark from the Jurassic Five. Numark rocked breaks and old-school hip hop and had me as loose as Ive been since I accidentally stumbled into a Mello-D set one night with Silkie. It was really, really fucking good.
Meanwhile, as Im finding both both my own and Stellas groove, there are these two hot Korean women dressed up as naughty nurses, rocking bikinis, tall white leather boots and lab coats dancing with me. If I told you I was one Rolex shy of putting both of them on the stroll, would you give me a play on? One of the cuties and I had a great time dancing, we kept smiling at each other, but the other seemed kind of annoyed to have to be there at all. Numark was owning me, dropping song after song after song that made me go, oh shit! My highlight was when he dropped T.R.O.Y. If you remember that song, you remember why.
As it happened, the naughty nurses werent sent by Jesus soley to amuse me while I danced, they were actually the dancers for DJ Swamp, who played a weird mash-up set that crossed heavy metal (literally, Slayer) with booty music.
Kids were slam dancing (and I heped), which was a really weird way to end the night, and a reminder that my conditioning sucks. I was done after about 2 minutes. Lord, I must be old. Swamp is a fucking crazy bastard, but his needle dropping routines were ridiculous. If you dont know, needle dropping is when you pick up the actual stylus and place it back on the record, at exactly the sound you want. It's tuh-ricky. I wont bore any non-DJs with the routine, but he was needle dropping both turntables, and making two copies of a heavy metal album sound like a drum and bass song. Sick and wrong.
After his set, DJ Swamp smashed his records and equipment and muttered something unintelligible and hostile into the microphone just like a real spoiled annoying rock star might, if one had happened to actually have been there.
I wish you could have been there, I really do.
That sign used to hang in the room where I learned how to fight. Had my instructor been at the party I was at tonight, the sign might have listed the three treasures as Hennesy, California DJs, and Naughty Nurses.
What am I on about? Ill tell you; the Black Baby Jesus apologized to me tonight for the awful Michael Jackson vs. Prince DJs Thursday night, and He did it (as is His custom) poetically.
I explaineth; attend.
I love San Francisco right now. I love my city so much, I want to cry if I think about my city ever representing for some other motherfucker as hard as it did for me tonight. Tonight, the Bay Area fucking brought it.
Imagine: Its about 10:30, I am crispy from watching this all day art seminar, burnt to the tips of my toes in a room full of yet-to-be drunken concept artists, painters, 3-D modelers, level designers, texture artists and (probably) project managers (boo) from all over the US and overseas (if you count Germany and France, which Im not ashamed to admit that I do). As I walk in, the DJ is playing Mobb Deep, Shook Ones, so I knew it was going to be a Hennesy evening. The bartender and I have found our personal equilibrium; I over tip, and the drinks are over strong.
The first DJ was good, but after he finished?
Oh.
My.
God.
This goofy looking Asian dude in a cheap black suit stepped up and I confess I was expecting more boring rock music for pretentious metrosexuals with high-maintenance haircuts (see also my New Years experience). I almost left. But this kid methodically and ruthlessly destroyed the fucking venue with a Will to Power..
Look, Im a turntablist myself. Ive seen the best; Q-Bert, Z-Trip (with and without Radar), Craze, Faust and Shortee, the Beat Junkies, the Allies, the Executioners. I saw the DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist 45s set and the Invisibl Scratch Pikl finale set that ran after Scratchcon 2000. DJ Relm was in there. I dont know if he can kill it like that every night, or if there was some kind of beautiful synchronicity to playing before a room full of artists, but da-YUM. He was so good.
He mashed it up like Z-Trip does, scratching to Jimi Hendrix and rocking shit like the Beatles over soul breaks, but he did a lot more beat-juggling and scratching and had this whole video presentation synched to his set that took the whole thing over the top. He had a whole section clearly built for the break dancers, and a few of the artists in attendance gave it a shot. Nobody was going to win any b-boy battles any time soon, but shit was still fun.
Relms set was so fucking good, I jocked him and bought the guy drinks. He was grooving on my fawning admiration, it was funny for both of us. Hes clearly not a rock star, but fuck itfor three hours tonight, I was his Pamela Lee, and I was going to do everything I could to Take It All. (Bitch.)
THEN, who comes on after him but Numark from the Jurassic Five. Numark rocked breaks and old-school hip hop and had me as loose as Ive been since I accidentally stumbled into a Mello-D set one night with Silkie. It was really, really fucking good.
Meanwhile, as Im finding both both my own and Stellas groove, there are these two hot Korean women dressed up as naughty nurses, rocking bikinis, tall white leather boots and lab coats dancing with me. If I told you I was one Rolex shy of putting both of them on the stroll, would you give me a play on? One of the cuties and I had a great time dancing, we kept smiling at each other, but the other seemed kind of annoyed to have to be there at all. Numark was owning me, dropping song after song after song that made me go, oh shit! My highlight was when he dropped T.R.O.Y. If you remember that song, you remember why.
As it happened, the naughty nurses werent sent by Jesus soley to amuse me while I danced, they were actually the dancers for DJ Swamp, who played a weird mash-up set that crossed heavy metal (literally, Slayer) with booty music.
Kids were slam dancing (and I heped), which was a really weird way to end the night, and a reminder that my conditioning sucks. I was done after about 2 minutes. Lord, I must be old. Swamp is a fucking crazy bastard, but his needle dropping routines were ridiculous. If you dont know, needle dropping is when you pick up the actual stylus and place it back on the record, at exactly the sound you want. It's tuh-ricky. I wont bore any non-DJs with the routine, but he was needle dropping both turntables, and making two copies of a heavy metal album sound like a drum and bass song. Sick and wrong.
After his set, DJ Swamp smashed his records and equipment and muttered something unintelligible and hostile into the microphone just like a real spoiled annoying rock star might, if one had happened to actually have been there.
I wish you could have been there, I really do.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
I'm not a snob, I just don't like stuff that sucks!
I'm right on the verge of a great joke about vacuum cleaner aficionados, but I just don't have the ganas to seal the deal on it.