Well, fuck it. I've decided to join the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. Below is the resume I sent out this afternoon. It's actually pretty cool how it works; you call a phone number and some guy says, "who are you and how did you get this number?" You say the name of the friend who referred you, and after a few months, some guys throw you into the back of an unmarked van, and that's your first interview!
Keep your fingers crossed for me!
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Application for membership, Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy
cklarock
Current Address: Alcove code designate Neckface, Haight Street, San Francisco, Peoples Republic of California.
Phone: Youre tapping my phone already.
Email: cklarock at gmail.com.
Objective
I am looking for a well-paying position as a team leader directing or planning covert operations against the liberals who hate America.
And the fags.
Even the Republican ones.
Okay, especially them.
Plus, I need health insurance.
Education
o University of Kansas, Bachelor of Fine Arts 1996
o School of the Americas 1998, graduated top 10 percentile of class in Population Suppression Methodology and Technique, and Information Extraction in the Field of Operation
o Joint NSA/DOD Covert Mind Control and Counter-Psychic Warfare School (incomplete) 1999-2001
o University of Berkeley, Masters Program, Womyns Studies / Literature of Oppressed and Indigenous Peoples 2002 present (incomplete)
Experience
Have argued with lots of hippies on the bus. God bless Jesus, and God Bless my firearms.
Operations Experience
Tactical hand-to-hand combat training along full force spectrum, limited small-force skirmish warfare training, expertise with SIGINT and HINT interception and analysis, can grow moustache upon request, look good in black, can speak in monotone for hours without tiring.
Computer
High degree of expertise with PowerPoint: Can split text over two slides, or do those cool transitions where the text files in, or the screen looks like bars or dots and you're all like "WTF dude," but then you see the other slide.
Keep your fingers crossed for me!
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Application for membership, Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy
cklarock
Current Address: Alcove code designate Neckface, Haight Street, San Francisco, Peoples Republic of California.
Phone: Youre tapping my phone already.
Email: cklarock at gmail.com.
Objective
I am looking for a well-paying position as a team leader directing or planning covert operations against the liberals who hate America.
And the fags.
Even the Republican ones.
Okay, especially them.
Plus, I need health insurance.
Education
o University of Kansas, Bachelor of Fine Arts 1996
o School of the Americas 1998, graduated top 10 percentile of class in Population Suppression Methodology and Technique, and Information Extraction in the Field of Operation
o Joint NSA/DOD Covert Mind Control and Counter-Psychic Warfare School (incomplete) 1999-2001
o University of Berkeley, Masters Program, Womyns Studies / Literature of Oppressed and Indigenous Peoples 2002 present (incomplete)
Experience
Have argued with lots of hippies on the bus. God bless Jesus, and God Bless my firearms.
Operations Experience
Tactical hand-to-hand combat training along full force spectrum, limited small-force skirmish warfare training, expertise with SIGINT and HINT interception and analysis, can grow moustache upon request, look good in black, can speak in monotone for hours without tiring.
Computer
High degree of expertise with PowerPoint: Can split text over two slides, or do those cool transitions where the text files in, or the screen looks like bars or dots and you're all like "WTF dude," but then you see the other slide.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I was thinking about what kind of cover-job could I get that would let me kind of space-out while I'm at work, and spend my time thinking about the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy while I'm on the clock. I've come up with a few ideas:
1) Strike-breaker
2) Air-Traffic Controller
3) Skylight Installer
4) Stress Tester for the fold-out trampolines that the Krazy Klowns use to catch that one clown when he jumps out of the "burning" building
Thoughts?