You know, there are only five days left until Christmas, and I haven't done a goddamned thing about it unless you count writing smart-ass comments into the Christmas cards that Finer Than Baby Hair worked her hot ass off making, and bitching about commercialism and the over-marketed psychic space we have to slog through as Americans.
Come to think of it, I do that all year long.
But this year I'm really behind on my Christmas rituals. I got started with my holiday depression so early last year, I beat all the crowds, and was able to be fully out-of-sync weeks ahead of the holiday. But so far this year, I'm really struggling getting a good start on moping around and bitching about the holidays.
I've been working out, eating well and healthily, having lots of fantastic sex, nesting with my love, pulling for my fighting freshman Jayhawks and reading good books. I just can't get the motivation together to watch too much TV and drink myself to sleep every night obsessing morosely about my failures, questioning all of my healthy decisions and pining for unrealized and unrealistic dreams.
I mean, I know it's Christmas, but I just can't get into it this year.
Sophie and I are going to spend Christmas in Fresno with her family, and I may even step foot in a church and attend Mass. I think there is about a 30% chance I'll chicken out and not go, or in Dungeons and Dragons terms, we could say that the save DC for me to avoid attending church is Willpower DC 15 with the following special circumstance modifiers applied cumulatively to the save:
People express concern for the well-being of my immortal soul: +2
More than two members of the family do not attend: +2
The whole family chooses to attend: -2
Sophie is attending: -4
People express admiration for my floss tie, and suggest that not wearing it at least one night would be a crying shame: -4
I get a papal-hat shaped diamond and platinum chain for Christmas that matches my holiday mistletoe themed fronts: -6
In this case, the complete stats for Church would be:
Church: CR 7; social construct; proximity trigger (social pressure); single-application; spell effect (feeblemind, Caster level: 11th-level wizard), 2d4+2 subdual damage (sonic, mind-affecting); Search n/a; Disable Device na/; Will DC 15 negates (subject to special modifiers, above).
Come to think of it, I do that all year long.
But this year I'm really behind on my Christmas rituals. I got started with my holiday depression so early last year, I beat all the crowds, and was able to be fully out-of-sync weeks ahead of the holiday. But so far this year, I'm really struggling getting a good start on moping around and bitching about the holidays.
I've been working out, eating well and healthily, having lots of fantastic sex, nesting with my love, pulling for my fighting freshman Jayhawks and reading good books. I just can't get the motivation together to watch too much TV and drink myself to sleep every night obsessing morosely about my failures, questioning all of my healthy decisions and pining for unrealized and unrealistic dreams.
I mean, I know it's Christmas, but I just can't get into it this year.
Sophie and I are going to spend Christmas in Fresno with her family, and I may even step foot in a church and attend Mass. I think there is about a 30% chance I'll chicken out and not go, or in Dungeons and Dragons terms, we could say that the save DC for me to avoid attending church is Willpower DC 15 with the following special circumstance modifiers applied cumulatively to the save:
People express concern for the well-being of my immortal soul: +2
More than two members of the family do not attend: +2
The whole family chooses to attend: -2
Sophie is attending: -4
People express admiration for my floss tie, and suggest that not wearing it at least one night would be a crying shame: -4
I get a papal-hat shaped diamond and platinum chain for Christmas that matches my holiday mistletoe themed fronts: -6
In this case, the complete stats for Church would be:
Church: CR 7; social construct; proximity trigger (social pressure); single-application; spell effect (feeblemind, Caster level: 11th-level wizard), 2d4+2 subdual damage (sonic, mind-affecting); Search n/a; Disable Device na/; Will DC 15 negates (subject to special modifiers, above).
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
"Grinch, Executive Chef". This time of year is just no fun for me. I really don't have time to shop for gifts -- although I'm done with your shopping. I had an unopened jar of pickled pig's feet anyway.
As far as going to church, God's faliure to strike me down is proof he doesn't care anymore -- I think you should be safe.