cipher

Broke trust in two
Now no one's lookin' out for you....

If you walk away I'll walk away.
First tell me which road you will take.
I don't want to risk out paths crossing some day.
So you walk that way I'll walk this way.

Fucking lyrics and their fucking prescience.

It's amazing, you know. How much one can hurt. And when it comes down to it, one can't drink enough to kill the pain. One can't slice enough flesh to make the hurt even blink.

This sounds melodramatic. Actually, I'm doing relatively well. I had friends come and take care of me. That was smart.

I'm not surprised, but I never feel quite prepared.

At the bottom, the problem is this: I loved her, more than I've ever loved a woman. And she loved me, more than any woman has ever loved me.
And we still failed one another.

These things take forever, I especially am slow.
But I realized that I need you and I wondered if I could come home.

Last time a relationship of mine crumbled, which also happened to be the first relationship of mine, I was single for 14 months.
Being single is scary. I'd more or less gotten used to it before her, but now...now the security of these things seems all to clear. Sometimes you just need someone to hold, and to hold you, through the long dark. If you're lucky, to dispell the fear, for awhile.

The world's got me dizzy again.
You'd think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin.
And it only gets worse if I stay in one place, so I'm always pacing around or walking away.

I know how she'll think of this. As petty. And maybe it is. But I know myself quite well, and I know I couldn't take it. It's the journals...I can't stand to have her read mine, watch me fall apart. Moreover, I can't stand to read hers, watch her fall apart, pick herself up, and find the next boy down the line.
Doors close.

So I'm up at dawn, putting on my shoes.
I just want to make a clean escape.
I'm leaving, but I don't know where to,
I know I'm leaving, but I don't know where to.

I am leaving. Since I joined, I've been month-to-month. This has mostly been an issue of affordability. But I wasn't going to stay, not for more than a couple months. And then I met her.
But I also met a lot of amazing people here. To those folks, I want you to know that I value your friendships. You all have my phone number or e-mail, I believe. Stay in touch.
I'll be gone, it appears, on Feb. 9th.
Maybe some day I'll be back.

The reasons have all run away, but the feeling never did.
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live.

Good-bye, SG.