cipher

Being away for more than a week sucks. Doesn't matter how much I love my family, I miss being home.

In other news...I may regret all this in the future. It's entirely possibly. But I really don't think I will. There's too much driving me away from her now. I used to think she was the woman I wanted to spend my life with. Now I know that's not the case. I've been keeping at it, not wanting to give up on her, but I don't think I can do that anymore. Not when I'm hurting her, unable to help her. And if there's no broad future for us, what's the point?

And maybe I'm just not meant for this shit. Relationships seem to disagree with me. I hate being depended on; possibly first and foremost because I can never depend on another the way others will depend on me. She found that out the hard way, for which I am sorry.

I don't really know what's best for us. I could, I know, go to her. Promise promises I'm sure I can't keep. Be a fool for hope, more than for love. But I won't bother this time. Maybe she'd be happy. She seems fairly happy, when I'm not an idiot about communication. But I'm not. I haven't been for a long time now, with her. And probably I should have told her that. But I don't think she'd understand. And I'm not the type to complain, either. Yes, she's hurt me. Several little spears of pain a day, it seems. We've hurt each other.
No more.
Good-bye.