Fuck. Helluva goddamn 48 hours.
Something incredibly painful about seeing most of your favorite people for such a brief period of time. A flash in the pan. Never enough.
Then there's the curious discovery that the guy you used to be best friends with is again doing coke.
That your current best friend just lost someone in Iraq.
Where do you go from there? Naturally, you drink way too fucking much. So we did.
And now...now the news has me lost in a whirlwind of doubt and resentment. No, doubt isn't accurate. What the word for that sensation you get when a dire fear is realized, confirmed, thrust into your face?
There isn't one. Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit. My stomach feels like it's trying to do jumping jacks, but I feel the need for a drink.
We must have died alone, a long long time ago.
Update, 6 PM: Just now the sky danced in green light.
One of the reasons I'd hate to quit smoking-you miss much of nature's beauty without these little forced outdoor excursions.
Other thoughts:
Managed to collect a lot of music yesterday from various peeps. Great stuff.
I'm in ruines.
Truth, I would think, contains room for tact.
You would think, having not had a meal since Friday, that I'd be hungry. Hm.
Something incredibly painful about seeing most of your favorite people for such a brief period of time. A flash in the pan. Never enough.
Then there's the curious discovery that the guy you used to be best friends with is again doing coke.
That your current best friend just lost someone in Iraq.
Where do you go from there? Naturally, you drink way too fucking much. So we did.
And now...now the news has me lost in a whirlwind of doubt and resentment. No, doubt isn't accurate. What the word for that sensation you get when a dire fear is realized, confirmed, thrust into your face?
There isn't one. Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit. My stomach feels like it's trying to do jumping jacks, but I feel the need for a drink.
We must have died alone, a long long time ago.
Update, 6 PM: Just now the sky danced in green light.
One of the reasons I'd hate to quit smoking-you miss much of nature's beauty without these little forced outdoor excursions.
Other thoughts:
Managed to collect a lot of music yesterday from various peeps. Great stuff.
I'm in ruines.
Truth, I would think, contains room for tact.
You would think, having not had a meal since Friday, that I'd be hungry. Hm.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I am full of resentment lately. I feel angry sometimes lately, which is not like me at all. Short temper, irritation.
Why can't we just look the other way?
Why can't we just play the other game?
Amazing night at the lobster, though I may have to kill Jen after all due to her inablilty to let loose and have a good time without declaring that somehow it's anti-woman.
Connor, it's 6:30 and I gotta go the cities. Cya!
[Edited on Nov 07, 2004 9:25PM]