cipher

Lately I'm in the sort of mood that can only end in something drastic. Murder. Suicide. Selling all my belonging and moving to Seattle. Unfortunately, none of these things really seem like options. What can you do that's drastic, but won't ruin your life (further)? Perhaps I need to start harvesting the organs of local drunks. I don't know. This is why I can't write fiction. If I can't even have an epiphany in the real world, how the fuck am I going to write characters with balls, let alone denouements.

And yes, I'm terribly unavailable. I'm a freak. Most people, normal people, need other people. They hate to be alone, especially for long periods of time. I realize this, I see it all the time, and yeah, I kind of look down on people for it. See it as a weakness. But we're supposed to be social creatures, and there's something very, very damaged about me that I need a certain amount of time per week to be spent in complete solitude. This is probably unfortunate, but I've accepted it. I've had to, because I know I can't change it. I've had three failed relationships because of it. And I'd probably never date again if not for my goddamn sex drive.

Christ, most of why I listen to music so often is so I don't have to think. See what happens when I do?