THE SADDEST THING IN THE WORLD
I've just seen the saddest thing in the world...
And what is the saddest thing in the world???
A huge massive giant spider with one leg missing!!!
A spider's destiny, its sole purpose in this world (apart from keeping the fly population under control), is to be scary and to make girls squeal and run around pleading with any male in close proximity to rescue her from the awfulness that is the House Spider.
So what happens when said Giant Scary Death-Inducing-If-You-Get-Too-Close House Spider loses a leg?
What happens is, said spider becomes a whole lot less scary! I mean, the whole scary aspect is the legs... it has to be. That's the only logical thing I have ever been able to come up with as to why so many people are terrified of the poor damn things! So if one leg is missing, it follows that the scare factor is reduced...
And when you stop and think about it (like I obviously am at 1.30am for some unknown reason), you realise that it's really quite sad. Something must have happened to Mr Scary House Spider for him to have lost a leg. I know he has seven others, but that's not the point. He was made with eight legs, presumably because he NEEDS eight legs... and now he's sans jambe!
The trauma of losing a leg in itself is a sad prospect... but the real issue here is that poor Mr Scary House Spider is no longer as scary as he once was. His purpose in life has been diminished through some tragic event that we'll never know about.
So sad old Mr not-so-scary Scary House Spider has to live the rest of his days as a second-class citizen of the arachnid world, given that he can no longer fulfill his scare potential.
Now I hate spiders as much as the next person... but I feel kind of sorry for him... maybe I'll go rescue him from the top of the stairs in my house where I found him, and keep him in a big box with a steady supply of flies... or maybe not.
Oh fucking hell... I've just found a crane-fly with only five legs... what's going on??? There's some weird psycho around here pulling legs off insects!!!! I'm going to bed!
I've just seen the saddest thing in the world...
And what is the saddest thing in the world???
A huge massive giant spider with one leg missing!!!
A spider's destiny, its sole purpose in this world (apart from keeping the fly population under control), is to be scary and to make girls squeal and run around pleading with any male in close proximity to rescue her from the awfulness that is the House Spider.
So what happens when said Giant Scary Death-Inducing-If-You-Get-Too-Close House Spider loses a leg?
What happens is, said spider becomes a whole lot less scary! I mean, the whole scary aspect is the legs... it has to be. That's the only logical thing I have ever been able to come up with as to why so many people are terrified of the poor damn things! So if one leg is missing, it follows that the scare factor is reduced...
And when you stop and think about it (like I obviously am at 1.30am for some unknown reason), you realise that it's really quite sad. Something must have happened to Mr Scary House Spider for him to have lost a leg. I know he has seven others, but that's not the point. He was made with eight legs, presumably because he NEEDS eight legs... and now he's sans jambe!
The trauma of losing a leg in itself is a sad prospect... but the real issue here is that poor Mr Scary House Spider is no longer as scary as he once was. His purpose in life has been diminished through some tragic event that we'll never know about.
So sad old Mr not-so-scary Scary House Spider has to live the rest of his days as a second-class citizen of the arachnid world, given that he can no longer fulfill his scare potential.
Now I hate spiders as much as the next person... but I feel kind of sorry for him... maybe I'll go rescue him from the top of the stairs in my house where I found him, and keep him in a big box with a steady supply of flies... or maybe not.
Oh fucking hell... I've just found a crane-fly with only five legs... what's going on??? There's some weird psycho around here pulling legs off insects!!!! I'm going to bed!
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
the_reverend:
When insects attack, eh?
the_reverend:
Me? Get in trouble? Never 