I've had such a good weekend, which makes a change... though not all of it invovled entirely healthy or wise activities, but damnit, you only live once and all that crap... two nights in a row I stayed up until at least 11am partying... and then on monday morning I had wonderfully intimate and tender 'sex'... and I use the '' because we never actually had sexual intercourse and nobody had an orgasm... but it was so nice! 
I have recently been told that I should try to be more girly because I look nicer the more girly I am. In winter I wear chunky new-rock boots, big baggy skater jeans, hoodies and little black logo-tops or vest tops. In summer I have to be more girly cos I just get too damn hot wearing all that other stuff. Now, a week ago I actually got all dressed up in heels and a pretty dress and I've never had so many compliments in my life.... everyone said I looked amazing and I really didn't know how to take it all. I'm not used to people saying I look nice; I'm used to people hurling abuse at me and telling me I'm an ugly monster or something similar! So it's been weird trying to handle the compliments. And this saturday I actually paid 31 to get my nails done - the whole full-on fake talons shebang.... and that's totally not me at all, but they look funky and people keep commenting on them.
Now, the man who's been giving me so much head-fucked-up-ness over the last month or so has been highgly impressed by the new girlier side of me, which is lovely and good and makes me feel positive and good about myself... but I'm slightly worried that the only reason I'm doing these things is for him... cos that would be wrong... cos he's too fucked up to know what he wants and I don't know what he wants, but he keep making little subtle signs about wanting more and we keep ending up in bed together, but as of yet I still don't know what the fuck he wants or where he wants it to go... and I'm left in a big fat mess cos I'm so totally falling for him in a big way....
And then there's the issues of Canada-man... I don't even know where to begin with him...
What happened to my lesbianism??? It was so much easier then... Girls have always been much less likely to find me attractive and therefore I don't get involved with them very often and although it's so tough not having anyone to cuddle, sleep next to, make love to, have kinky dirty sex with etc, it's so much easier having nobody than it is dealing with unrequited love and lust!!!!
I have recently been told that I should try to be more girly because I look nicer the more girly I am. In winter I wear chunky new-rock boots, big baggy skater jeans, hoodies and little black logo-tops or vest tops. In summer I have to be more girly cos I just get too damn hot wearing all that other stuff. Now, a week ago I actually got all dressed up in heels and a pretty dress and I've never had so many compliments in my life.... everyone said I looked amazing and I really didn't know how to take it all. I'm not used to people saying I look nice; I'm used to people hurling abuse at me and telling me I'm an ugly monster or something similar! So it's been weird trying to handle the compliments. And this saturday I actually paid 31 to get my nails done - the whole full-on fake talons shebang.... and that's totally not me at all, but they look funky and people keep commenting on them.
Now, the man who's been giving me so much head-fucked-up-ness over the last month or so has been highgly impressed by the new girlier side of me, which is lovely and good and makes me feel positive and good about myself... but I'm slightly worried that the only reason I'm doing these things is for him... cos that would be wrong... cos he's too fucked up to know what he wants and I don't know what he wants, but he keep making little subtle signs about wanting more and we keep ending up in bed together, but as of yet I still don't know what the fuck he wants or where he wants it to go... and I'm left in a big fat mess cos I'm so totally falling for him in a big way....
And then there's the issues of Canada-man... I don't even know where to begin with him...
What happened to my lesbianism??? It was so much easier then... Girls have always been much less likely to find me attractive and therefore I don't get involved with them very often and although it's so tough not having anyone to cuddle, sleep next to, make love to, have kinky dirty sex with etc, it's so much easier having nobody than it is dealing with unrequited love and lust!!!!
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think about it, take some time to yourself. if all elase fails just go with it and let things fall where they may.
it all sounds a little complicated what you have written above, especially the part about the bloke who doesn't know what he wants, and I'm not sure I really have the right to comment on it, so ill just say this, if it makes you feel good dressing more girlie, and your enjoying the compliments (regardless of how new they may be) then keep doing it, personally I cant see why people would call you an ugly monster anyway
Hugs