cindarrr

So the girls from detroit came and went, and they did better than us but we are much more attractive, and anyway they only worked one night cause they are pussies, I don't think they will return. On the downside having like 5 bosses is getting crazy, who knew stripping would be so stressful! Money isn't everything, but then again.......wait it is everything! Anyway its not that I'm bitching cause I'm not making enough to buy everything I want, I'm bitching cause I'm not making enough to pay my bills at this point (which isn't exactly true either, My best friend whom I live with lost his job and his car so I have been supporting him for two months it is just now that the well is running dry so I cannot support both of us but I have no choice, though we have lost a lot of business recently.) As far as anything else, tommorow I am calling a shrink it is time for me to take control of my emotions, I think I'm going crazy. I'm in love for one thing, but the real problem is being depressed about it, unrequited, you know the feeling I am sure. But anyway I guess on the up side, I never thought I would feel this way again, who knew! Anyhow the persone on the unrequiting end says I don't really love him, that I am only depressed and looking for a reason to make myself happy, which normally I would agree, and in some ways I do, but not completely. I dont agree because I (normally, and yes I know this is malicious) would when being upset and depressed I would find myself saying thing that I know would hurt him, you know girls do it, and we don't know we're doing it. But now I find myself not even thinking of saying those things, I don't want him to feel bad for not loving me, he can't help it. So I guess the maliciousness before came from wanting to force someone to love. So I suppose it could just be part of growing up, maturing, growing out of childish stages, but I'd like to think it is because I care more about him than I ever have anyone, because I car and love so much I don't ever want to say something to hurt him. Then again, maybe I'm just not desperate enough yet...........