well i have been very busy and the internet has been down so here we go....
does anybody feel like they are never using life to the fullest? i sit here all day am make lists, cd's to buy, movies to watch, shit to paint, addresses to put in my contact folder, digital camera to learn, tattoos to draw, tattoos to get, bills to pay, computer programs to learn, books to read, etc. there are sooo many things i want to be good at and know about, and i want it now. i don't want to accomplish this stuff by 50. i ultimately want to be a director, and right now i am a PA on tv commercials, so i am fortunate enough to be working in the field i really want to be in. hopefully in 2 1/2 yrs. time i will be in the DGA (directors guild of america) as a 2nd assistant director, then eventually a first. to become a director will take me doing things on my own time. i don't understand how people go through life smoking pot and actually do nothing with their day. i don't know where it came from but i feel such pressure to always be doing something. organizing, cleaning, working out - something productive. especially in new york with all the museums, amazing sites to see, music to hear - i never feel like i am takin advantage of life enough. TRAVELING! see the more i think about it, the more anxious i get. so what am i doing typingin a journal on SG!? i don't know... this has been like my first diary i guess.
as for my normal life doings - i got fuckin wated last saturday. don't know how, but after i left this bar i went and got fried chicken with mashed potatoes and a biscuit. inhaled the food and passed out. got about 5 hours of sleep, woke up at 8am, felt like shit and started watching the movie OLDBOY. (fuckin awesome movie by the way) then at about 9:30 decided it would be best to puke. i had already drank about 40oz. of water, so i went in the bathroom and closed my eyes. i can puke almost on cue, so no fingers down the throat. i had to look to flush the toilet and saw half digested chicken, bones and orange liquid (prob from the emergen-C i drank) . whole day was awash after that. why do i do that to myself?
one last thing - how come i cannot get over my 1st girlfriend. it has been 6 yrs! in those 6 yrs. i have been single 4 1/2. i prefer being single right now but why do my hopes get so high when she tells me she is coming to visit?! there is more to this but i will save it for another journal entry . so this is me just ranting.
does anybody feel like they are never using life to the fullest? i sit here all day am make lists, cd's to buy, movies to watch, shit to paint, addresses to put in my contact folder, digital camera to learn, tattoos to draw, tattoos to get, bills to pay, computer programs to learn, books to read, etc. there are sooo many things i want to be good at and know about, and i want it now. i don't want to accomplish this stuff by 50. i ultimately want to be a director, and right now i am a PA on tv commercials, so i am fortunate enough to be working in the field i really want to be in. hopefully in 2 1/2 yrs. time i will be in the DGA (directors guild of america) as a 2nd assistant director, then eventually a first. to become a director will take me doing things on my own time. i don't understand how people go through life smoking pot and actually do nothing with their day. i don't know where it came from but i feel such pressure to always be doing something. organizing, cleaning, working out - something productive. especially in new york with all the museums, amazing sites to see, music to hear - i never feel like i am takin advantage of life enough. TRAVELING! see the more i think about it, the more anxious i get. so what am i doing typingin a journal on SG!? i don't know... this has been like my first diary i guess.
as for my normal life doings - i got fuckin wated last saturday. don't know how, but after i left this bar i went and got fried chicken with mashed potatoes and a biscuit. inhaled the food and passed out. got about 5 hours of sleep, woke up at 8am, felt like shit and started watching the movie OLDBOY. (fuckin awesome movie by the way) then at about 9:30 decided it would be best to puke. i had already drank about 40oz. of water, so i went in the bathroom and closed my eyes. i can puke almost on cue, so no fingers down the throat. i had to look to flush the toilet and saw half digested chicken, bones and orange liquid (prob from the emergen-C i drank) . whole day was awash after that. why do i do that to myself?
one last thing - how come i cannot get over my 1st girlfriend. it has been 6 yrs! in those 6 yrs. i have been single 4 1/2. i prefer being single right now but why do my hopes get so high when she tells me she is coming to visit?! there is more to this but i will save it for another journal entry . so this is me just ranting.
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cos that apt must cost a fortune! it's nice! and big!
and i feel EXACTLY the same way you do about not feeling like i live life to the fullest
...same thing..lists of books i was to read, movies i want to see (love netflix), so many places i want to go, etc etc
but instead ..5 days a week i go to work (at a dead end job --waitressing) to make money to pay bills..and now i'm moving again (staying in astoria) next week so there goes a shitload of money
so i have to save for that much longer before i can afford to go anywhere
my bf's sister is unemployed ..has been for months and just went on vacation to puerto rico with their mother
and i was like wtf! i need a vacation..she doesn't do anything what the hell does she need a vacation for?!
and my bf was like "she's been working for 13 years so she has savings"
but just like you said...i dont' want to have to WAIT to live..to do what i want to do
and i have no idea what i want to do with my life career wise