ciderx

Blankness, a clear mind that is devoid of emotion. I could feel the tears run down my face but I cannot capture a thought in my head. I could feel the sadness in my heart but my eyes just stare through what ever I am looking at. My mind is filled with bits and pieces...flashes of images that I equate to a strobe light.

Are you real? Am I real? I lack the illusions that in normal people promote mental health and buffer them against these strange feelings. The fact of the matter is that love is as true as depressiveness. Life is futile. We cannot know why we are here. Love is always imperfect. The isolation of bodily individuality can never be broached. No matter what we do on this earth we will die. It is a selective advantage to be able to tolerate these realities, to look to other things, and to go on- to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

The depression that guides me to these dark moods is essential in who I am as a person. To give up the essential conflict between what I feel like doing and what I do, to end the dark moods that reflect the conflict and its difficulties-this is to give up what it is to be human, of what is good in being human.

So, I sit here and I wait and wait and wait and wait............